I remember having erections around 12 years of age, and started
My first doubts emerged at secondary school, when boys used to talk
and joke about masturbating. I could never understand the jokes, because
I had to masturbate in a different way - I rubbed my glans through
my foreskin with the palm of my hand.
I cannot remember when I realised what a foreskin was, and what
it should do. But I remember that masturbating was sometimes painful.
I could not do it when I wanted because I was hurting. Any pain experienced
was short lived, however, and was cured by abstaining.
I think it was around 15 that I began to realise that my penis was
not 'normal'. I used to avoid any chance that I could be seen naked.
Physical education at school was a terrible time. My mind was always
focused on keeping my penis hidden, but at the same time I wanted to
see what other boys penises were like. All I wanted was a normal penis.
I used to go to sleep and hope that by the time I woke up I would be
At some point around 16 or 17, I decided that I could never have
sex, so I could never marry, nor have children. My condition remained
untreated until the age of 26.
BEING A MAN
And so to the great day when I was circumcised. What a feeling it
was to see my shining glans. I thought that at last, I was a man. I
could have sex. But hang on, where was all the youthful experimentation
and the social skills. How could I ever find anyone who would put up
with an emotionally retarded man of 26. It was at this point, that
I realised the full effect of my years of suffering. As much as I had
been affected by the physical pain, the emotional pain was far worse.
I had suffered for nothing, and I was swamped with guilt and anger.
Living in the UK, as you can imagine, I felt that a circumcised man
was also a freak, so in many ways nothing had changed. I could not
shake the feeling that I was different.
Years passed. I was still untouched, ..... at the age of 33, I lost
my virginity. ... I have allowed the sexually inexperienced boy inside
to grow up, and to complete his homosexual phase, and to proceed to
a full heterosexual relationship. For the first time in my life I am
secure in my sexuality.