BOYFRIEND WITH PHIMOSIS

Hi Robin,

I just wanted to thank you for your site. I am a 22 year
old female student and have been with my boyfriend for the
last 9 months. He has phimosis - a condition which i knew
nothing about before and still am not totally sure i know
everything about! For the first six months of our
relationship my boyfriend was too embarressed to tell me
about his condition and did everything possible to avoid
being intimate with me. Obviously this distressed me as i
didn't know what i was doing wrong and wondered why he
wouldn't even let me see him naked.

Since finding out about it, we have been a bit more
intimate but he is reluctant to be physical having had a
bad experience when he lost his virginity - it was
incredibly painful for him and he doesn't want me to see
his penis whilst it's not 'right' as he says. He is 25 and
had sex about four years ago but since then he hasn't been
with anyone. He refuses to talk much about his condition,
finding it all very embarrassing. I am the only person he
has told, but he is planning to have a circumcision
operation as soon as possible.

However, i am worried because i don't think he's fully
thought things through. He hasn't explored other options,
he won't talk to me about his condition and he's planning
on going and having this operation without even telling me
about it. I don't think he realises that this is something
which affects me too. I don't even know if he is in pain
when he is erect and therefore, when i push him to be
physical with me i don't know if i am causing him pain?
I recommended your website to him because i believe that it
will help him to understand his condition more, and realise
that he is not the only one with this problem. I don't
understand how he could have managed sex with his previous
girlfriend when it causes him so much pain if i so much as
touch the end of his penis.

All in all, it's a frustrating and confusing situation but
i don't believe the answer is to rush into a circumcision.
I hope that reading your website will help him to feel more
at ease with his condition, so thanks again.

--------------------------------

Hello

Phimosis is just such a generalised term that it does not mean
anything - it covers up an accurate diagnosis, as clearly as the
foreskin covers the exact condition, and as clearly as our
culture covers up information (- phimotic mindedness)

That your boyfriend is in pain when you as much as touch the end
of his penis, is most probably a psychological reaction - (based
on valid actual previous physical experiences, but doubled up
with anxiety etc.)

Ive been in this business so long that I allow myself to make
guesses when I see something for the hundredth time

>had a bad experience when he lost his virginity - it was
>incredibly painful for him ... etc. etc.

Im 99% sure this must be a frenulum breve ripping - can be very
painful, and bleeding -very traumatic (up till this point men
think only women can bleed during sex). Often afterwards the
frenulum breve will congeal and rejoin even shorter (potentially
even more painful) than it was previously. (the only other
occurrance which could be incredibly painful on first
intercourse is paraphimosis, but then the main memory and
description I hear of this is that it is frightening rather than
painful)

No, you are right, it doesnt involve circumcision, frenulum
breve should be treated with a frenuloplasty, some Urologists
and Surgeons will know this and act accordingly, (UNLESS a
patient comes in saying he requires circumcision). Then, a
circumcision will also cure the frenulum, but its like cutting
off a finger when the finger nail is wrong.

Added to this (in my diagnosis) is the physical effects of the
phimotic ring are far easier to see, and confront, the effects
are more practical, men are inhibited, worried and embarrassed,
but the frenulum breve leads by its curious unexpected effects
often to extreme irrational responses. - (not always so, but
here ... maybe its just intuition ...)

This whole experience is sure to leave knock on effects in any
future relationship - unless he can confront it. - (An operation
cannot be expected to change behaviour patterns and attitudes
learnt since childhood). - I dont know how to persuade some men
to confront their conditions or the psychological effects, I
would hope just out of love for a woman might motivate some of
them. Its just so strongly against male stigma to relate sexual
problems to their anatomical abilities, and some men prefer to
accept a psychological problem as ultimate diagnosis.

Crazy, we can consider (if it is frenulum breve) that he has had
this condition since his birth, he has accepted himself as
normal through all his development years, adapting masturbation
to his anatomical possibilities, - with a background
unconfronted fear - and then in first penetration, (without even
completing the first sex act), his penis "explodes" ....
bleeding, shame embarrassemnt and the end of first love
relationship.

I hope Im not too late with my reply, - not because of an
unecessary circumcision thats pretty irrelevant, I hope your
relationship is still intact.

All my good wishes, please contact anytime you want

Robin