Re: Sh*t - I aint the only one
Written by Gary at 19 Mar 2005 13:04:04:
As an answer to: Re: Sh*t - I aint the only one written by Gary at 17 Mar 2005 04:50:23:
I had been taking careful, since it seemed the majority opinion after 5 - 6 hours
Cruising websites to see just what happened (and surely I couldn’t be the only one).
Not a lot of real positive news posted or in print - from Doctor or patient.
Back to careful -
My wife and I had been checking the bend, etc. about once or twice a week. She was more worried than I was in the beginning (except the very beginning when only I noticed the problem during masturbation, did a quick search, and got my first knowledge from an article which describing Pyrenees (sp) stated, "no cure, progressively worsening, no sex, only hope was a surgical fillet, which sent you home without a piss shutoff switch and a future life with a (even) shorter dick - which was academic – since chances are you wouldn’t be getting it up anymore.
Articles and posting got a little better – but not much.
Shit - I feel my attention slipping..must have ritlin..need rit..
I am an optimist (if I was diagnosed with cancer I would not help but 1. think how much I was going to save on my opiate addiction + car blanc with me, pills, and the police. And#2. in no time I would be day dreaming about all the revenge I could take out during the last month or so (with nothing to live for), except of course – optimist that I am – I think we are affected, sometimes poetically, with both the good and the bad we consciously wage upon others.
So, I couldn’t spend my last month carving up the county planning board, because when I made my next free will decision (which I believe we can only make during our “dead” state – where we start out (actually “end up”- I’ll explain in a moment)..
Ok-start over for what it is worth: We start out and return to a soul or sprit state where we can comprehend much more, fly thru the universe, etc – except we cannot enjoy or fully appreciate life because we no longer fear death. We can love someone in this state, and do, but cannot feel the physical, or the passion. Even though this is the only state of being where we can actually make a free will decision (I am going to take the leap – do the life thing – but I don’t know who I will be. I am assured though that I will remember nothing of my life before life (except for me and now I am ruining it for everyone). When we are “dead”, even though we will (well most of us at least once, some hundreds) exercise our free will when we make the leap (and don’t know where we will land, New York, City or Zaire) the rest of the time we are aware how things end up and how they began.
On earth, as feeling, striving, humans, we continue to evolve as a social creature. Using our technology we continue to play ourselves back to ourselves and develop a social conscious. We become more and more orderly, social (like ants), and predermined – until we become God – where we started. Now all this happens without a plan or a purpose – Because.. we are actually moving backward in time. This is not a difficult concept actually – and makes logical sense. The only reason evolution makes no sense is because all objects take the least resistance. A rock falls and a fish does not climb painfully out of the water – No he moves slower and slower, finds a feeding place where he doesn’t have to move, and eventually grows roots. When the worlds of the universe die and the suns implode, and everything come crashing back together in the big gnab – sure there is a bounce, a predictable one, the big bang, that gets us back to the starting gates – at the infinite curve or in three dimensions, the edge of the universe. Interestingly enough, and helpful to those trying to both believe this and their New Test, there is plenty of both free will, and chance when moving forward (towards the past) because there is an infinite number of ways to get there. As a soul you just have to arrive in time for your conception – so you can leave this life. De-creation is not nearly as demanding – but it is uneventful (effect and cause is not nearly as exciting as cause and effect). The happening place to be, if you want to feel, love, cry, laugh, cum, and go, is to take a (not entirely) unpredictable “life ride”, where all you can be sure of (once born) is that you have no idea of what or “who’s” life you will endure (a pharaoh or an abortion), that you will have no idea that you are anything but what YOU and I think we are right now, and that no matter how it seems; every single micro-second of our lives are determined (because reverse has to follow exact course – it has all ready happened.) The free will, or choice comes in when the soul, entity, Bill Smith, makes the decision to “leap” Since it is a closed system, powered by perpetual motion, without eventual wear and tear, and is a full working model of the theory of conservation, one can think of the souls, and lives, as quarks or strings – free to make a choice or chance decision – as long another is either thinking or persuaded by the theory of karma and it’s equalizing effects on string (quark parts). Ironically, karma, which is a cause and effect phenomena that smoothes out the spikes and extremes – assuring a symmetric rewind towards the big gnab- so the correct energy will be collected and reflected assuring a timely and predictable return to the big bang.
No one knows how many times this cycle has occurred and no one cares, any more than we do now.
The human mind, stuck in it’s 3 (and rarely 4) dimensional was of thinking, cannot conceive of human beings moving forward (what we think or as backwards) in time – and the mind is correct is it’s inability to conceive that – because IT’S THE MATH STUPID. The math demands it. Remember in school (if your 46 anyway) when if there was time left in class they would play the movie – or actually rewind the movie with the projector light on so you could see everyone moving around in reverse? It amazed me how difficult it was to try and imagine how the food, for example, was going to come out of the actors mouths while they sat at the table and “un-ate”. It was simple and normal to have food disappear (in your mouth, down your throat, and into your body so you can live) because I not only knew the how but I knew the all comfortable “why”. But realizing I was about to see a chunk of steak get forked out of a mouth and then the piece of meat would be neatly and quickly reattached to the T-bone on his plate – was wildly difficult to accept – but accept I had to because the theory of reverse cinema demanded it! There was a difference though – and it was important. You could force the what to behave in reverse but not the why. The expression of satisfaction when the steak was eaten had a cause, effect, and a purpose. The expression shown when stopping the film when it appears he is forking the piece back out- is identical at one point on one frame. When in reverse movement it had no rhyme, reason, or purpose. Was this any different than forcing the math of Einstein (particularly without a unified theory – or with plenty of related mathematics still undeveloped?) upon an impossible situation: 1. a speed that could not be recreated by man for a physical mass – much less human, and 2. If a physical mass like a clock and a train could never physically travel 186xxx/sec/sec – a living human being (the only entity that realizes time as an element in his life – and the only entity to give a shit due to attempting to conceptualize getting younger…
It was forth grade when this theory popped into my head, a theory which I rarely share (because I believe there is useful and a relative use for physics and chemistry, like “why is my wife crying?” and relatively useless probable, or at least as possible as is accepted as facts in physics and chemistry that predict nature beyond my life (or “life”) span, or beyond the simple laws of physics.
The problem still bothers me today: Is trying to shock and astound my senses thinking what was forced to happen in the movie playing backwards – and the subsequent waste of time – any different than 3 articles of a theoretical experiment, that could not physically achieve, much less survive, the speed needed to affect the articles relativity to time?
Ahh – but that was the thinking of a 4th grader. Now, as an adult, I am assured of black holes in space, which have been created by matter reaching that magical speed, due to the immediate gravitational collapse of a sun. The speed limit not only theoretically changes matter in a magical way (to an unfathomable mass to where a salt shaker full would have a noticeable effect upon the mass of a planet the size of Earth – in a devastating manner – and in all theoretically possibilities available there is room for a chance meeting.
My stupid little theory is for fun (and is fully fucking copyrighted btw!) and profit (send 10.00 to see my drawings (done in 48 colors).
Theories lead man to test these numbers – he cannot help himself. Mans body will never survive outside of the physical dimension he perceives – Yet we must play, test, and prove – until we create replicas of the number experiments inside our physical dimension - like fissionable bombs. What next – a super genetic human clone with a massive IQ but not a whit of moral decency (and total distain for his creators), or the computers that can replicate and improve themselves beyond human ability – buy intact with an inherited nature to corrupt absolutely.
I cannot help but think I am wasting my time (or would be if I had the abilities) theorizing and testing outside the practical human condition.
Does not anyone but me see the math at work with the all of human industrial, medical, and creative “progress”?
1. One countries overindulgence in all things industrial have an equal and opposite effect upon those countries behind. Of what advantage is any of it when it comes to providing true happiness, getting laid, or getting fed. We are half way to gnab.
2. Medical – I will challenge that this math is correct, and self-correcting everyday: For every moral and righteous victory we allow ourselves for every child or infant fitted with a new medical device and saved to live a few more years or even a full life – there is an equal and opposite moral curse upon the technology destroying the dignity of an aged or infirm person by keeping them alive because its invention and availability would make it "legally immoral" not to. I contend there is no net gain on human suffering regardless if they were to eliminate death entirely. Wouldnt that be hell on earth?
Creation through Technology: Enough said.
I have no way of knowing if any, none, or all of the earlier ramblings are true – I do believe it is as mathematically possible as Einstein’s math is when it tells us that time will stop, and then start moving backwards – at least in regards to our self and the object our speed is being measured against.
I have not had much math - took my last public school class in 7th grade. Always got D's and F's.
Then I got kicked out of high school in 11th grade after missing 5 weeks of school due to taking a gang of buddies to the keys in Florida. Stole 6 cars on the way.
Dropped out of 12th 1/2 way through the year.
Had second thought about my lifes direction and went back to school in '77, my 13th year of public school. A D and F student my whole live I commited to a scholistic carreer.
Only needed 3 credits but took a full load with 7 classes - one of them a physics class. It had a prerequisit of calculas, and I couldnt add fractions. They let me take it anyway.
I learned all the math they teach in school that year. What I had always ignored and assumed impossible was fastenating and simple. I fucking loved it. Made straight A's in all my classes including the physics class and was one of only two students in the school that made an A on the physics exam.
I signed up with a community college, took a full load, and made straight A's the first semester. The secound semmaster I had a slip of the A's in a philosopy class (my favorite) when I studied the wrong material for a test. I got a C on that test and worried I could not improve my overall grade to an A with only two tests the semmaster, I dropped out that third week expecting an incomplete. The teacher gave me a C for the year.
So I quit college and devoted my time to dealing drugs - mostly pot at that time.
The next 10 years were filled with intravenous drug use, sex, pimping, stealing, brawling, etc. I usually carried a gun and exchanged shots with various enemies more than once. I once had a bike gang, I had ripped off, confront me at my house in KCK. I was high on herion and coke and would take no shit. Three had pistols and one hit me across the face. I broke loose and walked towards my house loudly vowing to blow them all away with a shot gun. I was shot once at close range in the back of the head but didnt feel it. Five more steps and I was in the house and 5 seconds later I was in the front yard firing 10 gauge goose rounds at a fleeing truck load of bikers.
The neighbors told me that the tall one had reached out and shot me from about two or three feet away. I went to the hosital thinking they should maybe take it out but as it turned out it had bounce off my skull.
The KCK Police Sub-Station was less than a block away but they never even showed up - which was good since they had tried twice to pick me up on warrents the week earlier but both times I escaped on foot. Witnesses said that several of the officers were seriously promising they were going to kill me the next time they saw me.
I moved to KCMO on the East side just off Van Brunt and Quincy.
I robbed some drug dealers in a nearby city and came up with 1/4 lb of blue Purivan Coke uncut. I holed up with two hooker girlfriends and lost 25 lbs over the next 10 days.
Strung out, sick, broke, and nearly a dozen warrents out for me in both Kansas and Missouri I decided to uproot and head for Portland with a girlfriend/ a running 62 Buick Wildcat that I had purchased for 25.00.
We made it to Salt Lake City where the car ran out of our last fuel and coasted down the ramp at 2nd avenue. Took what we had, found a pawn shop, sold her rabbit coat for 14,00 and a clock radio for 5.00. Got a little help from the mission who gave us part of a hit and run frozen elk. Bought an electric skillet and rented a TV for 5.00 a week.
I lived there for nearly 3 years.
I used few drugs during that time and took my first steady job in my life. I was 27.
Twenty years later I broke my dick.
Sorry, gotta go to work...what is wrong with me..jeesus