[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by RJK at 25 Apr 2001 18:48:04: Re: My Son's foreskin.
As an answer to: My Son's foreskin. written by Worried mum..to R K Knight. at 25 Apr 2001 15:18:24:
You of course (and you alone)have the right & responsibility to look to your son's best interests. Inasmuch as you indicated your concern for him, I responded to what I believed you perceived as a problem with the foreskin. If he doesn't have pain or infection, or any other problem, then obviously no intervention is needed. Hopefully then you will not focus excessive attention on his foreskin, which would not help him emotionally in the long run. I agree that at this age he would not be helped by surgery, particularly if it isn't directed at a specific, exising problem. What you do (or don't do) is obviously totally up to you, & what your son thinks of you later in life will certainly be based on how you cared for him when he was young and vulnerable.
>I have just read your reply to my post about my sons foreskin so please excuse the delay in my reply.
> You said that I ''owe it to my son to shield him from unneccessary truama'' and ''it is more damaging to him to have his attention focused on a painful and easily infected foreskin''. Also that remedial action should be taken.
> Please believe me that I have THOROUGLY researched the subject of circumcision and have spent the last couple of months reading nothing but.
> I disagree very strongly with you that having a dorsal or circumcision should be done to my son. I DO have my son's best intersets at heart ...it goes without saying...I love him dearly and I want nothing but the best possible treatment for him...and I'll make sure I get it!!
> I have experienced sex with a cut man, and this man had such a lack of feeling that it upset me greatly and a foreskin is there for a very good reason...just as my clitoral hood is. The glans thickens and becomes very insensitive in most men who are cut, just as my clitoris would if it was not protected.
> I will do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure my son keeps his foreskin, his future sex life is, for the moment, in my hands, and you are right that I owe something to my son...but it's certainly not in his interests to have it chopped off...or altered in any way, at this stage.
> I don't quite get the idea you have that my son is in pain, or that he is open to infection...neither is true, and he has no idea that there is a problem, so he is certainly not going to be emotionally damaged as you said. He is under the impression that his foreskin is a 'bit sticky' at the moment and he is just helping it along by stretching it until it hopefully frees itself. He is a very happy and well balanced child who will talk quite happily about this and shows no sign of being worried in the least....I will make sure it stays that way too.
> The only thing that bothered him was when the spray went on his clothes, and he actually laughed later on about it and said that won't pull it back in school in case he floods the toilets.
> You are perfectly entitled to your view on circ...but I have read enough by now to know that it certainly is NOT what would be best for my child...even the States are actually now realsing how completely unneccessary this 'barbaric' procedure is, and I use that word with it's strongest meaning. Cutting a babys forskin off is cruel and unwarrented, and my only wish is that these parents educate themselves and let these boys grow into the men they were BORN to be...with a fully intact penis.
> If my son does have future problems then it will be HIS decision whether or not to be cut, and I will make sure he is fully informed about the risks, the pro's (if there are any) and cons..... and let him weigh this up against whatever problem he is facing as an adult.
> Many foreskins don't retract until the child is a teen, and my own husband couldn't retract his until he was 13-14 and he remembers clearly that if he tried to pull it back it was painful....so he left it alone, and has had no problems as an adult...it retracts fully now and by no means, was he emotionally scarred by any pain he had as a child. It's a normal response.
> In my view being cut should be something that is done when every other possibilty to retain it has been exhausted.
> Then, and ONLY then will my son be anywhere near a surgeon.
> Let me assure you that my research has been only for my son, and as his mother I will continue to educate myself, and him as he matures, on the very important functions a foreskin is there to perform.
> As long as he continues to be happy and healthy with things as they are, then his foreskin will stay where it belongs.......the incinerator or knives, if they ever have to considered, are many years down the road.
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