[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Paul B. at 28 Apr 2001 11:29:25: Vaginismus
As an answer to: Sensitive Glans, can't enter vagina written by Alf at 22 Apr 2001 18:24:59:
Hello Alf.
I was going to reply here, but in the event I have written much the same reply
in "Re: Exposing the glans: potential problems?" to another chap.Anyway, I think it covers things pretty well as regards yourself.
> I'm married 8 months and still haven't had vaginal intercourse!
I do trust however, that you've had lots of enjoyment pleasing each other.
Vaginal penetration is not the "be all and end all" of sex.> We have sufficient foreplay and she is well lubricated and definitely ready
> and willing.But you then say:
> When I try using my finger to enter my wife's vagina, she complains of pain
> too and I have to stop.So she may not be entirely ready and willing, and not as well lubricated as she
might be.> Both of us are virgins.
Now there's a point! She may possess that nowadays endangered species, a
hymen! Two questions to elucidate this - does she use tampons, and when
you feel the tight part, does it have bulk, or does it feel more like pushing
through a hole in a piece of material, with freedom on the other side?If she uses tampons, then she at least can insert a finger easily, and
it will certainly and easily accommodate your finger, which would imply
that she is reflexly tightening her muscles when you try to insert anything.If however you can feel a tight membrane, then it is your quest to stretch
it. Traditionally, this is performed in one bold plunge (and whether of fingers
or penis is arbitrary) with pain & bleeding to match, but I'm sure you have
realised by now that you'd rather do things in a more loving fashion. And that's
exactly what I would recommend.The key is - slow and gentle. Firstly, have her feel inside and determine
whether it is her hymen or tight muscles - or both. The only difference
in approach is that reassurance and relaxation are most important for
tight muscles, while carefully applied steady pressure to a negotiable
point bordering on discomfort will be necessary for a tight hymen.The latter is, of particular relevance on this forum, an almost perfect
analogy to the situation of a tight foreskin - you can delegate it to a
doctor and have it somehow cut, but that would seem a great shame when
it can be approached as a project involving sharing and self-reliance.So, do assess the problem from your wife's aspect as well as whatever
of the other post may apply to yourself, so that you can begin the
process, understanding that there is no instant answer, but there will be
a solution based on patience and gentle persistence.> Unfortunately, my glans is so sensitive that I can't push forcefully enough
> to enter her vagina. It's simply too painful.It's trying to tell you something, and you should listen! When you can
penetrate her with a finger comfortably, then it's time for the penis.
What is absolutely vital is that until everything is entirely comfortable,
you use generous amounts of artificial lube ("personal lubricant").> At best I just slide my penis around her vaginal lips.
Hey, that sounds great to me! That's pretty good on its own, for both of
you!> My penis diameter is obviously larger than my finger, what am I gonna do?
When you can get the finger in, it's a pretty minor, slow and careful step
from there.