[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Paul B. at 22 Aug 2001 23:49:01: Sex after 55
As an answer to: sex at 55 written by dave902 at 19 Aug 2001 14:25:38:
> For about a year I've been unable to achieve an orgasm through normal intercourse (I can still do it via masturbation).
That is a quite reasonable consequence of the problem you describe. One poster on another forum categorically states that men with non-retractile foreskins cannot achieve orgasm and father children. In regard to younger men, this is absolute hogwash, but one can see that in your case, with a combination of factors including, dare I say them, age and an older wife, also with ageing parts, this can happen.
> I have a very tight frenulum and phimosis - which will not allow my foreskin to retract much beyond the tip of the glans.
> Because of this I've always had sex with the glans remaining inside the foreskin. I've always thought this was a normal
> consequence of not being circumcised, but now I know it isn't.It certainly isn't. Have you any boys? Did you instruct them as your parents failed to do (sadly, because of a prudish attitude to sex), to pull back the foreskin regularly, to pee or clean (as per the theme statements to this site)? Is there some follow-up needed here?
> I guess that because of this I don't get as much stimulation as I should do.
Fair assessment.
> In the past I've still been able to reach an orgasm about 30% to 50% of the time but it has often been hard work
Is your wife involved in that work? How vigorously has she been performing the exercises, both during and between intercourse? Can she grip you at all?
> that has left both of us a bit sore. My success rate has now dropped to zero.
If your wife is anything other than enthusiastic, then it is more likely the emotional loss of (or indeed, development of new) sensitivity than the physical, that is causing the problem. If, and only if, your wife is no longer keen, you may have simply tired of doing the impossible at your age, something that does happen to many, if not most, men.
I hope that if your wife has had any soreness problems, you have been using a lubricant. Do not presume that you want to increase friction and not use a lubricant - that will only cause worse problems.
1) What chance is there that surgery ( cutting the fraenulum and maybe dorsal slit ) would solve my problems.
Noting what I have just stated, it might well solve your problems. A dorsal slit to give you a functioning foreskin, rather than a circumcision to ablate function, is very reasonable unless you are patient.
> Could I expect to get greater stimulation if I was able to make love in the normal way with the foreskin retracted.
"Mobile", not necessarily retracted, is the word, and yes, you undoubtedly would.
Note that whilst a foreskin that does not move over the glans diminishes stimulation in intercourse, one that actually does move over the glans, enhances it except for those with a hangup about whether it resembles masturbation or not - as if that is meaningful (but of course, imagination is very meaningful to the owner).
> 2) Because its never been exposed my glans is very sensitive, Will this be a problem.
Minor. If one has a circumcision, it must by definition be more of a problem than in any other case. If you have a dorsal slit (by a competent surgeon), it should be a readily manageable matter.
> 3) I'd prefer to avoid surgery on the foreskin if possible.
Smart fellow.
> What is the chance of the conservative treatment for phimosis (stretching & steroid cream ) working for someone of my age.
Excellent. If you have the necessary patience. One complaint, as posted above here, is that the forsaking tightens up again. This indicates that the stretching has not been continued (the point is made that it must be continued for a few months after the primary goal is achieved to "consolidate" the alteration - this is a standard principle with wound/ scar management), and in cases where the phimosis is secondary - that is, due to the inflammation of fungal disease ("thrush"), that the cause has not been treated.
> It is usually used for much younger people and skin becomes less elastic as you get older.
You mistake elasticity, which is lost with age, with stretchability which may increase for that very reason. Elasticity is the ability to spring back - you actually don't want that at this point!
> 4) Should I just accept that I've got to the end of my sex life and take up golf?
Ah! So now I understand golf!
> To what age can you expect to enjoy sex? Is it different for a woman?
Until you either destroy your body by smoking and alcohol, obesity (and diabetes), cholesterol build-up, and inactivity, ending up in a nursing home, or you destroy your mind by failing to keep it healthy and exercised by practicing love (look in the Bible for information on this). Lovers always enjoy sex.