[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Paul B. at 02 Oct 2001 00:41:21: Re: all sorts of trouble
As an answer to: all sorts of trouble written by nick at 01 Oct 2001 12:05:17:
> hi, im in trouble, at 26 i have no answers and have all but given up on myself.
Wow! Is this all because of your erection problems, or are a lot of other things going wrong too?
> i have a long foreskin. about 1 inch overhang when hard,
Yep, you have a long foreskin. That's true.
> its hard to pull back and when i get it back its all bunched up around the shaft just under the head,
Point is, it does come back, so you don't need a circumcision. That completely deals with that matter for a start.
> its tight and rolls back as soon as i let go.
Then you need to pull it back a lot more often. Every single chance you get. Every time you pee for starters (it may take some skill to pee straight if it wants to spring forward of course!).
> the head of my penis is sooo sensitive i cant even touch it.
Just like a woman's clitoris in fact.
The other posters are right here, it is sensitive because you keep it hidden, so the cure for this is to get it used to exposure. Unlike them however, I see no reason to go overboard. "More exposure" does not have to be all the time, it just means - more exposure. As I have just said, every time you pee for starters, and every time you masturbate. I suspect that your habit in masturbation has been to move the skin forward as much or more than backward, so that the head stays covered. What you might therefore try, is using retraction as masturbation which, with a sensitive head (because with a circumcised, insensitive head, this does not work at all well) you can do quite slowly, enjoying the feeling of the tight (as it presently is) foreskin stroking the head as it runs over.
Note that I do not suggest rubbing the head with things like towels to "de-sensitise" it. Even as it is, it would be quite comfortable inside a nice, well lubricated vagina. In fact, the function of a foreskin is to "unpeel" on entry as I gather you expect and have been trying to, but while this is optimum, there is no reason (millions must do) you cannot simply have intercourse with the glans covered, or you can pull the foreskin back from the base once inside.
> never had sex, been to brothels several times and all failures.
You sure do have a problem. I really doubt that is a suitable way to figure out this sort of problem and it's not a nice side of sex to focus on. There may be sex workers who are skilled in sex therapy, but your chance of finding one would have to be slim.
> im scared to get circumcised cause the head is just toooo sensitive.
You don't need to get circumcised because - that's not your problem. As below. Now, the testimony of others here as to how quickly they got used to permanent exposure of the glans tells you quite well that the over-sensitivity is easily overcome with appropriate exposure. Circumcision and permanent exposure is way beyond appropriate though.
> can i de-sensitise it with a cream or spray?
Why? Simply follow the procedure suggested.
> i cant keep an erection, probably performance anxiety.
Now we're getting to the real problem. You don't need to retract your foreskin to have intercourse, so your retraction problem, whilst it needs some work on it, is completely unrelated to this. If you can't keep an erection, you can't keep an erection.
> even took a 50ml viagra tablet before seeing a call girl, it was rock hard until she tried to put the condom on.
Well there you go then. You are so keen to do this, you are certainly spooking yourself. Quite frankly, I am not surprised the anxiety of (feeling you need to) having a call girl would do that.
> then i lost it for good, by the way, never been able to get a condom on.
Why? Tried at home, without the angst? If your foreskin does not retract, you just put it on over the top without trying. Should be no problem.
> if i cant meet a girl and fall in love and have a family
You're barking up the wrong tree. Trying to "test the equipment" before getting the important matters straight. Funny thing, sex is not like that. The only proper way to sort out your anxiety problems about sex is with the help of a loving, patient spouse.
> there's no point living ... extremely depressed.
This needs treatment. I can give a general outline here as I have done, but you may need therapy (possibly including an antidepressant, though they have some interesting sexual side effects). Perhaps, just perhaps sorting out the retraction problem might give you more confidence with the erection problem (hey, look, if you can masturbate and come, there is no physical fault in the equipment, is there?), and that would fix your depression. Some people do have a "magic" cure if they do something really drastic, such as circumcision, as one of the posters here seems to suggest, because they've focussed so much expectation on it, it just has to work, but it's overall, a very dicey approach.
> cant keep a girlfriend if i cant have sex with her.
Pity the poor fellows who are paralysed then and can't have a girlfriend!. Your concepts of sexuality are arse-about I fear. Sex doesn't make a relationship, the relationship makes the sex. I do hope you learn that without too much trauma.