[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by GeoffB at 25 Apr 2005 05:27:56: Re: Advice for me and my husband
As an answer to: Re: Advice for me and my husband written by James at 24 Apr 2005 20:05:24:
I'm only trying to make her see what she is really asking. I can't really blame her, because she is a product of the society she has grown up in. A lot of that society is obsessed with worry about germs and cleanliness, sometimes to the actual detriment of good health. In the US, Australia & Canada there has been over a century of propaganda, pushed largely at mothers & therefore women, that circumcision is essential hygiene. A lot of this propaganda started with the 19th century obsession with trying to stop masturbation. In the early days the hygiene they were promoting was moral rather than physical. In reality a properly functioning foreskin is just as easy to clean as (or easier than) female genitals. Nowadays not a single medical organization in the world recommends routine infant circumcision.
I am not attacking her by saying she should perhaps talk to a psychologist. I think there should be no stigma in seeking to sort out your feelings about something like this. I really feel she should do that in preference to asking her husband to have surgery. (I myself could not have survived without psychological support and treatment for the trauma I feel inside about my circumcision.) Just asking the question could have a major effect on his self esteem, especially if he has grown up in the intact minority in the USA. Like I said if he likes his foreskin and then has the operation just for her, it could cause him to deeply resent the result.
I concede that you probably have a better functioning penis now than with phimosis but believe it would have been even better if you had managed to successfully stretch to cure the condition.
I've seen a lot of posts from guys who have had the operation as adults. Some of them have clearly eroticised the procedure and are obsessed with the look of the bare glans and with the style of cut (usually "high and tight"). Some have little trouble with the healing but you see plenty of posts on this forum where the end result has been less than satisfactory or they have suffered long periods of swelling or sensitivity problems after the surgery. I’ve seen plenty of posts from men who like the final result but also plenty from those who hate it.
If her husband is suffering some tightness, or other foreskin problem, most of these can be fixed with simple stretching exercises (to which I can post a link). If he doesn't have a problem she should learn to love all of him and try to overcome the prejudices her society has ingrained in her.
Geoff>I wouldn't go that far. I mean, she's a woman. Some women think differently. Some think circumcision is a lot less than it is based on the accumulations of their previous partners. I don't really thinking asking a question warrants such personal attacks like to say she needs a psychiatrist.
>My motto has always been, if it isn't broken -- don't fix it. She can always openly discuss the topic with her husband. But why bother dwelling on the man when he is the way he was born? Shouldn't that be a woman's dream come true?
>I also wouldn't compare circumcision to amputation or to female circumcision. Female circumcision has not (truly) had the religious exposure or otherwise of male circumcision. And further, the female anatomy is way different to that of the male, and the uncovered clitoris is far more sensative than the glans.
>I haven't lost any sense of sensation or pleasure with my circumcision. My frenulim is still in tact as well. To me, the only difference is not having a fold of skin 'squeezing' against the glans (ala phimosis) as it did, it is a major new charm in my life. I can say honestly that I wouldn't have the procedure done if it wasn't necessary. And I wouldn't otherwise recommend it to any other man, because the procedure is way overrated. That isn't to say that this woman shouldn't be entitled to think of her partner as she wishes. But just remember that there are hundreds of millions of other couples that are the same way and madly in love! Don't dwell on it!