[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Steve at 25 Jan 2002 18:56:01: Re: Psychosexual Development
As an answer to: Re: Psychosexual Development written by Jim at 25 Jan 2002 15:30:30:
>Getting things right the first time isn't always possible. We learn by doing, and through doing, learn to improve. Relationships are developed no differently from any of the other tasks or events we encounter throughout life. Simply start from where you are and build as you learn.
>Relationships built solely around sex will ultimately collapse no matter how much you try to keep them together. Perhaps you are trying to approach this dating matter with the wrong expectations. Is that why you are afraid to go further with the girls you now know? Unfortunately society has placed upon us a thinking that sex is all there is, but that is simply not the case.
I think you are right: my thinking has been wrong. I've never thought that sex is all there is, or even that it's the main thing. But with such little experience, and most of that being casual flings, I have felt that 'good sex' (whatever that is!!) is an essential part of any relationship, and that an intimate relationship would inevitably fail without it. This is indeed the main reason that I'm afraid to go further, as you say; and as well as other reasons (see shying away) I can't find any motivation to pursue something that is destined to fail. It is an important step for me to understand this, thanks.
>When the rest of the elements of a good relationship come together, sex will naturally come along with them. However, that does not necessarily mean the sex should necessarily be a part of all dating relationships. I hope you know what that means. Go out with them to have fun, just make that your goal. Enjoy talking and doing things together, sharing time together.
Well, hopefully it can come naturally fairly soon now, though it wouldn't have done before :) Again, you make it sound very simple, and I think I do understand what you mean. Much as I don't like mixing my metaphors, I can - from here on - take one small step at a time, not worry so much, and cross other bridges when I reach them!