[ ARC forum 2 ]

Re: Problems

Written by Paul B. at 05 Mar 2002 20:27:22:

As an answer to: Re: Problems indeed written by paul at 04 Mar 2002 21:57:13:

Ah! Welcome back!

>Scizophrenic i will have tell my alter ego about that one.
>no i only jest.

Indeed you do jest! Schizophrenia in fact has nothing to do with "split personality", and does not necessarily involve delusional thoughts, but has everything to do with difficulties relating to other people (peers, parents and others). While you may have been unfortunately deficient in proper sex education to be sure, the unhealthy focus on your genital configuration contrasts with those who blunder on regardless, learning (even if mis-learning) "on the fly".

> it is a problem i would like to get sorted,

Naturally! And with some patience, perhaps we can help.

> all the problems ref the possible Phimosis i have tried various methods,

Well, you had better start listing them then! First, we need to get a "handle" on the situation. You said your foreskin was "uncomfortable" and that "sometimes the skin would try and retract and it would get stuck half way down for a while". We need to know - can you get the foreskin back clear behind the glans (penis head) when soft, and how far back is "half way down" when erect? Here's a page of penis photographs to look at so you can indicate what you can and can't do. Note by the way that these photographs are all of a normal, properly behaving penis even if some look somewhat uncomfortable.

> cleaning of my genitals is probably the most annoying of the problems,

But then you say:

> I have some very good friends,who re assure me i do not smell

Are these the same who make jokes about you?

> it seems no matter what i do i cannot keep my penis clean ... ,i do not want to smell like a pissed tramp

Smell is one thing we simply cannot assess over the 'net, but unless you are incontinent like the (alcoholic) tramp, there is no reason you would smell of urine. You mention "wetness seeping into my underclothes" but given that you (gently) squeezed out whatever was in your penis/ foreskin when you finish peeing, no more than two or three drops leak onto your underpants which will dry quickly and not smell.

And it should be obvious that women are far more able to be troubled by this problem - much more places for drips to hide, so they would be much the worse off if this were to be a problem, but again, unless they are frankly incontinent (which some are), it isn't.

> makes me even more nervous as i believe i may smell even if i do not.

And this really seems to be the critical point.

> but a working man at 37 that is at the very least a real turn off for any relationship.

You'd be surprised how smelly some popular men are - just as women may be. But I suspect if you are thinking they are smelling your genitals, you are probably not smelly at all, as that is the most difficult to detect.

> the lack of a good woman is something else,

And the most common problem of all! (;-) Can you describe a bit more clearly what was the difficulty in your last relationship?

> and i doubt if my relationship probs would be sorted out even whether i did or did not have Phimosis.

That is most certainly the point I was making. Fact is, if you can make a relationship on other than superficial and cosmetic grounds, genital appearance, configuration and even sexual performance (at least in the terms many men seem to value) does not even count. So that is certainly to what you must direct your thoughts, and not your genitals.

> i missed a normal teenage male life due to hang ups reference my genital problems, mainly my testicles not hanging down

This puzzles me. Where were they, and what was the operation you had?

> most of the time my penis would not hang down,mainly just a large bit of foreskin.

More detail?

> when you see the others in the show your natural curiosity gets the better of you

What did you see that seemed different?

> book given to me on sex,

Aside: Who gave it to you?

> said some boys will have both male and female sex organs, and that frightened the living daylights out of me.

That sounds like a very broad mis-interpretation of what a reputable book might have said!

> I have had counselling and found it useful

By whom?

> i think though that the world would be a better place of if we could all get better sexual health teaching at an early age,

Most certainly. One of my hobby horses in fact.

> but i realise that this could also create other problems as well.

Such as?

> I do think though i my problems are probably more related to the earlier testicle problem

I should be interested in more accurate detail in this, but in any case, is it not solved?


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