[ ARC forum 2 ]

Apology? No, but contribute - yes!

Written by Paul B. at 24 May 2002 00:18:32:

As an answer to: My thoughts and feelings written by US Dad at 23 May 2002 15:43:24:

> I've had some time to think things through since I posted initially.

Indeed. The most important thing you do have is time, and you have years to consider, in conjunction with your son, what needs to be done. He's not going to get married tomorrow!

> I guess I've been most surprised that we've gotten two calls from the doctor's office,

You may be surprised, we are not. This is the epitome of high-pressure salesmanship. This doctor has an agenda, and you have been presumptuously included on it. It sounds trite, and I have not commented on it before, but Jim here loves to point out that US doctors drive Lexus, and you have to see this in terms of another payment on the Lexus (or maybe Merc - whatever).

> The whole experience has left my wife and I with a feeling of what they call in basketball the "full court press."

So, you understand.

> My wife's feelings are still rooted in her religious feelings which I don't particularly share.

This is a thorny problem. I gather from your mention of masturbation that you understand that he probably does masturbate (was that in your discussion?), that masturbation is in itself not sinful (general consensus of reformed protestant Christianity if not Pentys) and that therefore having a foreskin to make both masturbation and intercourse that much easier and more pleasurable is overall, a Good Thing, and undeniably a part of God's will.

> I was surprised that the doctor's visit and subsequent possibility of being circumcised was weighing so heavily on him.

Whoa-hoa!

> I guess being circumcised myself, it never crossed my mind as a big deal but Bryan was quick to ask how I would feel if someone wanted to cut part of my penis off for whatever reason.

It never hurts to see it from his point of view, does it? You see, aside from all the blather about "medical benefits", if indeed he is already masturbating, he knows extremely well how important it is.

> That, in a way, was a revalation to me because not having one, I had never thought of a foreskin as really being part of your penis.

So in fact, in being circumcised, part of the "damage" is that you lose not only the function, but the knowledge of how important the function is. I need not say now just how important that is to understanding of the ("ritual") circumcision problem.

> I did assure him that his penis was safe and was able to have a talk about the info here about the remedy of stretching his foreskin open

Then it sounds as if you are on the right path.

> and talked about that he may decide in the future that we wants it to go back.

And that I trust in the context that yes, he really does want it to retract, and the time to start exercising is now.

> For his part, I didn't pick up that at this point he sees a reason for that and is happy with things just the way they are.

Fine. I trust that just as he took the threat of circumcision as a(n extremely) serious threat to his integrity, he will, that threat having been completely laid to rest, focus most of the angst on the concept that it does need to be different, that it will be better to have a retractile foreskin, and that it is up to him to pursue that with persistence. How (much) you encourage him in this - well, I daresay you'll have to figure.

> I guess if I wasn't circumcised I would be better prepared to address this issue,

Maybe, but even those (few in the USA) who are lucky enough to have a functioning foreskin, too often overlook the benefits they enjoy thereby, and perversely give credence to the quite improbable "problems".

> I appreciate the information here and appologize for this being such a long post.

As Jim says, such an apology is quite unnecessary. In fact, my reply here will be much longer.

I don't know how much you propose to take the doctor to task - we would like you to as it is something that needs to be done - local activism that his advice on this sort of matter is inappropriate, complaint to his registration authority, political activism.

But were you to do any of this, you do need to be fully understanding of the matter, and like Jim, I really advise you to study up on the overall situation. Here are my "stock" study links (from my bookmark file actually), modestly annotated and by category.

Definitive material:

"Soft" material:

And there is no point studying only the "right" material - you need to understand what oddball stuff there is out there also!

Perverse:

Your contribution, particularly your information about the doctor's behaviour, is extremely useful. We do hope this is not just a minor event in your life that passes over and is forgotten, as this matter is important in a broader sense and that is of course, why we are here and spend (waste?) much time in discussion! It is, and no more than, something that needs to be brought to public attention until it is overcome, and stays that way. One can but hope!

So, your occasional presence to report on your thoughts, and what is happening in your situation, will be much valued.


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