[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Paul B. at 12 Sep 2002 00:18:38: Foreskin and sex
As an answer to: Re: Both Foreskin and sex written by marto at 11 Sep 2002 15:32:14:
>> The whole purpose of lubrication, is to force nothing. If your partner is lubricated, there is little movement of your foreskin if it is so tight, and if she is not, it hurts her.> Does that mean, if she is not lubricated, then my foreskin will be forced to slide back and forth as far as I can force it with my hand?
I repeat what I have said. If she is not lubricated, it will hurt her. Now, what you need to understand regarding intercourse, or in fact any form of sex with a woman, is that the vulva and vagina is not like the hand! It is if anything, similar to your penis; just as delicate. Note here, your penis, in contrast to a circumcised penis which is substantially "hardened" or "toughened" by the continual exposure to and friction on clothing.
So it is quite simple. Whatever amount of force would be painful to your penis, would be equally, if not more painful to her and in case you did not realise (but I'm sure you do ;-), women are most particular and anything that is remotely painful during sex - they are going to "back off" very smartly and you will know about it.
In fact, when "AJ" says "You will need a lot lubrication - end of story. If there isn't sufficient then there's a real good chance of pain and possibly injury", he is quite right, except that he is as usual, thinking of it only from his point of view and projecting it onto you. In fact, it's not the discomfort you would feel that would be a limiting factor, but rather, the discomfort she would feel.
And of course, you and "AJ" are in the situation that you have such limited sexual experience, that you are visualising intercourse in the manner of the porn videos, which show men thrusting like an animal (dog, horse etc.), but yet also suggest this behaviour extends for some period of time ("so that the woman is satisfied"). In reality, it is if not never, then rarely so, and if anything, that behaviour is one which is favoured by, and becomes necessary for, circumcised and thereby desensitised men.
The reality of intercourse, is that you approach it slowly and gently - as much for your comfort as it is essential for her appreciation. If at any time there is a lack of lubrication, then you will do something about it - which may depending on circumstances be to give the lady more attention and less thrusting (because the latter is not necessarily as enjoyable to her as kissing, breast and clitoral play), or to use a "personal lubricant"
> This may also cause some tearing of the foreskin depending on how tight she is, right?For all the above reasons, I find it most implausible that you would want to, that you would attempt to, or that she would permit you to be sufficiently violent during intercourse, to damage your foreskin. As Jim mentions, it's pretty good quality skin!
At worst, you could (by your foreskin retracting, when it becomes able) tear your fraenulum which is more delicate, but this is no catastrophe and must be seen in the light of its similarity to the tearing of a woman's hymen.
> I will follow the stretching excercises mentioned on this post.Excellent idea.
> But I am not sure how to use tapes and corks on my foreskin. Can you point me in the right direction?You may be a little confused about that. Taping is used as part of the methods to "restore" a reasonably functional foreskin for a man who has been circumcised either by the misfortune of parental request, or (as in the case of many who post on these boards) inept medical advice from doctors. This is a fascinating topic in itself and indeed the area of Jim's considerable expertise, but otherwise the only significance of tape to you is that you might use it to hold a rubber bung (cork is probably not suitable) inside the opening of your foreskin to provide a persistent stretch through the whole day, because skin stretches more if subjected to constant force.
If you do not understand the concepts behind the use of a dilator (such as the rubber bung), then do not worry about it. It could be helpful to you, as could the use of a fluorinated steroid ointment such as "Betnovate", but you should proceed with the stretching by hand in the first instance. There is much detail back in the archives here, of use of dilators, but no hurry - read back through the archives, follow the discussions, ask specific questions about it if you have any after you have read all you can, and you might wish to try the method.