[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Geoff B. at 11 Jan 2003 01:34:39: Re: Psychological Effects of Circumcision
As an answer to: Psychological Effects of Circumcision written by Robert Levy, MD, Phd at 09 Jan 2003 23:20:37:
I have had psychological treatment for circumcision trauma. Rather than write it all out again I will re-post something I have kept on file and posted on a couple of sites, when this sort of question comes up. In addition I once found an article about this aspect of circumcision by therapist, Tom Golden at http://www.vix.com/menmag/circtom.htm .
Following is my story:-
First of all I was born in Australia in the mid-1950s. Circumcision was almost universal amongst my peers and most of the few intact boys were born overseas. I was sent to a posh, all boy school at about 12 years old. In a class of forty boys only two or three would be intact. My father and younger brother were both cut too. I can remember being told by my mother about having the skin cut off my penis when I was small. I think I thought at the time that to do such a thing it must have been absolutely necessary. I remember being really surprised to see an intact man in a changing room when I was about 12. He seemed perfectly happy with that mysterious looking penis. I was quite religious as a child and read a lot of the old testament, with its frequent references to circumcision. I was also interested in ancient Greece and Rome and was a budding artist. I noticed that ancient statues showed penises that were pointed but at first I thought they were not bothering to draw in the knob. In 8th grade we had an influx of new boys and I became close friends with two boarders who happened to be intact. Later one of them and I had a couple of mutual masturbation sessions, we were about 13 at the time. This is when it really hit home to me what I had lost. The smooth way his foreskin slid back and forward on itself the whole length of his penis was a revelation. I also envied him the smooth unscarred look of his penis. By contrast I could only just get a tiny ring of skin over the very edge of my glans if I held it just the right way, something almost impossible for him or any of my later female lovers to do. As a boy I had been brought up to be proud of my cut penis and that intact people were a bit less clean and the realisation that his penis was not unclean and worked better for masturbation than mine made me very unhappy.
I read as much as I could find out about circumcision in an attempt to convince myself that I still had the better deal. However, nothing I read over the next twenty-six or so years persuaded me that this was the case. In fact as time went on I became more and more convinced that circumcision was totally unnecessary and a horrible thing to do to anyone without their consent. I became very angry inside about what doctors and my parents had done to me and came to particularly detest that side of Australian culture obsessed with germs and their removal from anything that might be suspected of harbouring them, even natural parts of human anatomy. I did talk to a few friends about my disapproval of circumcision but I did not often let on just how strongly I felt. I never even hinted to my parents that I disapproved of circumcision let alone how I really felt. The feeling grew on my mind until rarely an hour went by when I did not think about it but I just figured there was nothing I could do about it. I tried to carry on with my life as normally as possible.
Some ten or so years ago I came under great stress due to my live-in girlfriend’s stress breakdown because of childhood abuse. I found I could no longer push my feeling about my circumcision into the background. It was like I had always carried a glass half filled with stress (from pushing the circumcision feelings into the background all the time) around with me. When other pressures developed in my life it only took a little more to fill the glass to overflowing and I had to seek professional help. The woman psychologist I saw helped with relaxation techniques but was not much help regarding circumcision.
I got through that crisis but eventually that girlfriend left me. She told me later I saved her life but she couldn’t live with me in the big city anymore. I eventually found my present wife but after some years, once again other stresses drove me to seek professional help. The male psychologist I saw this time was nonplussed at first but after some counselling eventually tried rapid eye movement therapy (EDMR). This treatment is used to help people process past traumas. One theory is that it acts like an awake dreaming and helps the brain file away things that were too much to handle before.
I had to sit there and look at his oscillating finger while thinking about circumcision images that I found disturbing. One in particular that kept coming back was from a Leyland Brothers’ film I was taken to see at about 13 years old. It was called “Across the Top” and showed in graphic detail an Aboriginal boy being hacked into with a razor blade. Once the visualisation process was started all sorts of things that I had almost forgotten would tumble unbidden into my brain. It really stirred things up and raked over the raw feelings. I often woke crying in the night and don’t know what I would have done without my wife’s comfort then.
The treatment did not make the feelings of resentment go away but it made the hurt less visceral and more rational. I probably should go back for a top up but it takes time and is quite expensive. I feel that I have done all that I can to try to deal with these terrible feelings. I can’t describe just how bad it felt inside and I would not wish that feeling on anybody. I asked my psychologist if he felt I had suffered some other sort of abuse or there was some other reason I felt this way. He said “No. The circumcision was the abuse there is no other reason you felt this way.” I think this man was circumcised himself and may have had circumcised sons so he came a long way on the journey with me.
This is why I feel so strongly about protecting babies from circumcision and also looking after their foreskins properly so that they don’t get phimosis. I would not wish this horrible feeling on anyone. It really blighted my life. I would concede that an adult circumcised because of phimosis might feel he has a more functional penis that he had before. However I believe that proper care when young would prevent most cases ever occurring. I also believe that stretching will cure most cases if given a proper go resulting in a fully functioning penis with mobile foreskin. I believe a few men of either state will always want to change to the other state. The difference is that intact guys can do it easily. Guys like me are left scarred for life in mind and body.
I hope this answers your questions.