[ ARC forum 2 ]
Written by Rood at 03 May 2003 06:43:50: Re: This is NOT merely a case of "skin"
As an answer to: Re: This is NOT merely a case of "skin" written by Aussie girl at 02 May 2003 18:44:28:
>>"What's the rush? Prepuce separation from the glans is a normal and natural occurrence which occasionally doesn't occur until the teens."
>I personally find it's much better to have it retractable when they are young, because I've heard of so many 3 year olds being taken to the doctor and circumcised for so called phimosis. In here we all know it's okay to have a non-retractable foreskin at that age, but a lot of parents don't, and as soon as a doctor sees it, he gets dollar signs in his eyes and recommends cutting it off because of an imaginary medical condition.The issue here is not retraction, it is the separation of the glans and foreskin. As for retraction, I agree that it is the boy who should be encouraged to initiate the process, not adults tugging on his penis three times a day.
>Some parents never tell their son it should retract because they expect the boy will just figure it out for himself, and some never do figure it out, so they end up getting it chopped off. Just think of the number of foreskins that could be saved if we educate the parents to very gently retract to get the poop or fluff off the end of the foreskin at each nappy change. This very gradually releases the foreskin from the glans over a couple of years and he never has any problems with it.
>>"At the very least, a caution must be added regarding the rather too insistent emphasis by everyone on retraction. Boys of 3-5 easily become fixated with glans exposure when adults obsess on the subject, often with disastrous results down the line, if one considers multiple circumcisions as catastrophic."
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>To me that would be like saying that everyone who goes on a diet will become anorexic. I haven't personally known anyone who is obsessed with the exposed glans, and wouldn't stick around very long if I met one, but from my observations of those who are, they have obsessive personalities to start with. Normal people with no psychological problems, aren't going to become obsessed by an exposed glans. It's a mental disorder.Yes, obsessive/compulsive behaviour is a personality disorder. The point is that it's not preordained behaviour. A child is not born with personality problems. Children are highly nuanced observers of life around them, and if adults with whom they are in contact betray the slightest prejudice one way or the other, they process the information, and by the age of three, four, and five, their mental outlook has been largely determined.
When dealing with their children on issues of sexuality, including foreskin retraction and separation, parents must be careful to inculcate positive attitudes. Simple, basic explanations concerning the reasons for foreskin retraction and separation must be offered to the child. Otherwise the child's mind, limited as it is by experience, tend to develop conflicted and skewed understandings of reality.
I have not run from those possessed by personality disorders. From personal and confidential discourse with them, I have learned how common, how normal, is the onset of their obsession with circumcision and the exposed glans before the age of five. Their stories are poignantly tragic, and one can only have empathy for their suffering. They have much to teach about how not to raise children.