[ ARC forum 2 ]

Re: The Practicalities

Written by Pete at 05 Jun 2003 18:31:56:

As an answer to: The Practicalities written by Paul B. at 05 Jun 2003 15:03:06:

>OK, now that we know some actual details, then I'll try for a summary.
>There is one critical, one essential factor to stretching as means to deal with a tight foreskin - you actually have to do it. Years and years of talking about it, considering it, discussing it, analysing "techniques", will achieve nothing, nor will non-attempts to do it, as some here have detailed in whole web-pages. (Reminiscent of the apocryphal corporate rowing team!)

** Yes, acknowledged **

>If you want details of how to stretch - research the forum here. I think if you're serious, you will be able to figure out which posts, indeed which posters to read, and which posters not to read, so it is nowhere near as daunting as it might appear. As I have said before, having read what we have said before, for example what we discussed with Dave below, and many others, feel free to ask specific questions.
>More specifically, you mention something about pain, but exactly where is the pain and under what conditions? You are being evasive regarding previous sexual activity, we "sort of" understand that you have been having sex, but you really haven't explained that you have, and what limitations you encountered.

** Please understand that the assumption was that everybody has had the same
experiences - maybe not true. When having sex, pushing in causes some retraction
because of the grip of the vagina (don't worry, lots of foreplay and usually
she's moist) - but phimosis means the retraction causes pain. Unlike masturbation, where you/she can control the degree of retraction, intercourse
means a full attempt at pull-back - not achievable with phimosis **
>You mentioned "with sex the condom will keep falling off", but this is something completely unrelated to tight foreskins (more obviously - relates to the size of condoms vis-a-vis your penis), and condoms tend to negate the tendency for the foreskin to retract anyway, unless it already does so very easily, so if you are having trouble with intercourse where your foreskin is forced back to the point of pain and condoms are "falling off", you are making a strong case that you have been having intercourse with women who are not prepared for intercourse, and not lubricating(, nor using supplemental artificial lubricant - a very straightforward "cheat" for these problems).

** see above - but I have not previously used a lubricant, will do so next time.
As stated, the woman has always indicated time for penetration - so I assume she's ready! I haven't the faintest idea why the condom rolls up and falls off -but it hurts on the partially-exposed glans anyway **

>Now you seem to have a concern about the foreskin "closing up again". I really have to ask, where on earth have you got this notion? Why would such a thing happen unless there was some disease process (which you strenuously disavow in your case) to cause it? Have you ever heard of this happening to any other body part? Just what's got you going on this - where did you get it from?

** Why so surprised? The information (or notion if you like) has come from one or two doctors and from one or two statements from web-sites. If I find the sources again I will certainly note them and pass them onto you. Don't shoot the messenger.

If you look at ear-piercings where the jewellery is taken out, the hole closes.

I don't strenuously disavow infection, just it was a surprise that someone has assumed it as a possibility, because to me phimosis is congenital and in my
case has been lifelong.

>Finally, the matter of the relationship with the girlfriend, or "embarrassment". I and certain others here, share with the majority of relationship counsellors, a view of sexual relationships as a shared or mutual experience, in which you do things with the primary concern of helping your partner to enjoy her body and your own, deriving enjoyment from her experience of pleasure as much as your own. Beyond this expectation, there is no goal in the activity, you do not have to have intercourse (though it would be entirely inappropriate if you did not in a fully-developed relationship), you do not have to achieve either a minimum or maximum duration of intercourse, you do not have to achieve orgasm, or a certain type or multiple thereof, though for whatever you do achieve, you should be thankful and expressive of it.
>In particular, you do not have to exhibit any particular appearance other than your natural form, nor need your partner, so neither "embarrassment", hiding nor delaying has any part in your relationship - if any of these things are there, it means simply that you don't have a relationship - yet - and should not be considering sex. That you have a problem of some degree, should in the exact same manner, be shared with her if the relationship is serious, and she will help you work through it - and quite possibly more effectively than you ever dreamed.

** Generally good to know that full intercourse is not perceived as essential
by yourself ("and certain others here") - where? are you in an office together?
I share your views. But, she may wish for full, easy, non-complicated intercourse, with a man who can thrust away without pain. Not being normal
in not having a retractable foreskin is somewhat embarassing, but clearly
the maturity and involvement of the parties involved would alleviate the
initial potential embarassment. **


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