[ ARC forum 2 ]

Re: The Practicalities ...

Written by Paul B. at 08 Jun 2003 11:10:36:

As an answer to: Re: The Practicalities ... written by Pete at 07 Jun 2003 14:28:23:

> Thanks for all your comments. Clearly what is key here is the need for lubrication and the need for open discussion. The risk I am taking is that this medical condition is flung back in your face in an argument months down the road or in public: "At least my other boyfriend's knob worked properly..."

Mmm, yes.

Seems to me, you are going to run on either of two models. One is that your relationship is all about getting a screw. You find a woman dependent on your search criteria - whether she looks good enough, whether she is "available" and whether she will have sex with you. You "perform" according to her expectations, enjoy what happens and when one or other of you tires of the "relationship", you both move on.

This model is very much dependent on expectations, and each person happening to meet the other's expectations, since it does not factor in doing anything for love of the other (and I am using the term "love" in the Christian or "agape" sense). Obviously according to this model, you will be adjudged against her previous experiences, and they will be many.

The alternative model is that you you find a partner because you have common goals, those goals primarily being outwardly-directed - doing things in the community, a sporting interest that has been developed perhaps over much of your (respective) lifetime(s), a hobby or perhaps even work to which you are committed. Finding that partner is not otherwise occupied, you spend time in these mutual activities and develop an affection that then suggests a sexual expression. This certainly cannot be achieved in mere days or weeks, so during that time, there are numerous opportunities to explore, first verbally and then by physical disclosure, idiosyncrasies that each has - and everyone generally has some such idiosyncrasy.

There is in this process, time to fully assess the extent to which any of these could be prohibitive to an exclusive involvement, and few of them are. Only when you are both assured that all such things are completely resolved, would you go further, and therefore, any later reprisal such as you describe, is really telling you that you have not been following this model, but the first one instead.

Ah well, to your queries.

> re: stretching, there seems to be three approaches: a) pull down whilst erect, using the penis as a dilator

Perfectly appropriate, and what will, if you continue sexual activity (as surely you will!), ensure that the stretch is maintained; but difficult to do unless you have a particularly good stock of erections, despite the tendency to lose them if it is uncomfortable (or simply, that you are concentrating and deliberating).

> b) pull down and outwards whilst flaccid using fingers

Useful because on the one hand, you can do it whilst dallying, simply by putting a hand down the trousers, so that if someone approaches, you can remove the hand very quickly. This may as you have figured, be more comfortable as it does not press on the glans.

> c) insert fingers and pull outwards with either a and/or b.

Not sure about the "a and/or b" part, but if you can get a couple of fingers inside the foreskin opening, and I gather from your description you should be able to, then this is not doubt the most comfortable way to apply the most effective pressure - in the exact direction you want.

> the glans really hurts big-time when exposed [100% when flaccid]; [20% when erect]. I assume that repeated exposure and contact with fingers etc. will eventually turn the skin to normal and possibly even erogenous?

Come now, you seem to have a very peculiar concept of "normal" and "erogenous". From where (ah! I know, it was those doctors and the Internet again, was it not?) do you get this idea that you are supposed to be mauling your exposed glans at all, let alone that this should be "erogenous" (erotic)? Just how much experience have you of women? Have you tried this concept on them, that they should like you touching their clitorides with your dry fingers? With few exceptions, you would have found that they objected vociferously to you doing any such thing and would consider you a bumbling novice if you did so.

So why should you expect the quality of sensation of your penis to be any less exquisite than your partner's? Is this some part of the vulgar model of "being a man", that you can abuse your genitals with impunity? Another aspect of the "cult of circumcision", in fact. What you will find, is that if you use lubricant, as we have agreed you need to in intercourse, whether supplied by an enthusiastic partner or an enthusiastic squirt bottle, your glans will give a superb account.

> Painful glans and phimosis seem to go together, so I assume removing the phimosis would remove the pain on the glans, eventually.

If indeed in the process, you learn how to look after your foreskin.

> Most doctors I've seen just have not got the faintest fucking idea about the problem, never mind the solution(s).

Well, my take on the matter, is that doctors fall into two groups - those that know about sexuality - that is, have an interest in it and have in consequence trained themselves in the field, and those who have not, who have not resolved their own, in effect, sexual ignorance, and who are therefore no better informed than their patients (and therefore, enjoy their sexuality no better than their patients - it's somewhat like the preseumption that doctors "know" how to "never get sick"). Need I tell you, the latter group outnumber the former by orders of magnitude, and their approach to problems, unfortunately both physical and psychological, is generally "whatever makes it go away". As you will then realise, circumcision is a particularly tempting such "solution" simply because it is so "final"


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