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Re: The Practicalities ...

Written by Paul B. at 09 Jun 2003 01:54:01:

As an answer to: Re: The Practicalities ... written by Pete at 08 Jun 2003 22:28:01:

> I'm from an English working-class background - the model you describe above is fairly typical round these parts.

I fancy it's pretty typical anywhere. But it contains a number of flaws, both moral and in regard to the realities of sex. Working class or no, it's possible, and important to understand and be educated about these flaws.

> it is an unfortunate idiosyncracy to have a penis where pain is created by making love.

But think about the poor girls, who according to the above model are supposed to enjoy the pain not just of having their hymen stretched/ torn initially, but of getting genuine "carpet burns" from being rubbed without adequate lubrication. Your presumption that you are an oddity in experiencing discomfort during sex, is not as true as you think.

> Most women like shagging and would be disappointed if they have a bloke who can't. That's the most common model.

And yes, most of those women try really hard to fit into the model, even if intercourse isn't all that universally pleasant, even if they don't orgasm from it (but "fake" one to keep the guy happy). You really don't quite realise how common that is, do you? All studies show that women desire the company, the closeness. Yeah, if intercourse is pleasant, that's nice too.

> However, the dating agents are booming because people no longer have the time for a natural unfolding

Dating agents are booming because people are estranged, which may be a matter of being more self-centred.

> anyway sooner or later the question of comfortable happy shag or workarounds will be necessary.

And if you get going, you'll get there.

> Have managed frequency and maintenance in the morning especially

If you can't get one in the morning, you really have a trouble.

> Use both hands?

Yes indeed, if you have the time and privacy.

> In normal men (non-phimotic), the glans is exposed and they make love without pain - I recoil in pain if my (partially-exposed) glans is touched, by anything.

It is probably true that in those "normal" men whose foreskin retracts on erection, that having erections at night, sometimes during the day, will expose the glans to clothing or sheets, and the glans will adapt to such contact. But during deliberate sexual activity, what you do with your glans is an election (choice); in masturbation you generally use the foreskin to stroke the glans and it has the necessary delicacy to function as a lubricant. You may alternatively choose to use a lubricant so you can stroke directly with your hand, though that is much lumpier and a poor facsimile of a vagina.

Naturally, a woman's vagina really is (with due apologies to Ralesk here,) by way of natural design, the object by which the penis is best stimulated (it has small ridges or "rugae" lining it, the better developed as it is more used, or so my tutors claimed!), and the smooth transfer from the concealment of a foreskin to an invitingly wet vagina is, let me assure you, not going to be painful.

Most certainly, work on the stretching. Your lack of conviction on these matters suggests that you have not yet tried the lubricant for touching your glans. If it is that sensitive (and I have no doubt it is), then you may certainly want to use the lubricant for the preferred exercise of finger-tips inside the opening and pulling outward. If that (discomfort) is preventing you from the exercise, then for goodness sake, go get the lubricant and get started now!

> Because of phimosis, I have less experience of women than normal men

Pardon, but I don't believe that. I'll say no more.

> I'll be up for using lubricant as you have advised, and will report back.

I see no point in further "theoretical" discussion until you do.

> But I don't believe the problem is entirely dryness - it feels like the skin is raw

And why would it be?

>> If indeed in the process, you learn how to look after your foreskin.
> Not sure I follow

I am pointing out that you need to stretch the foreskin and understand that the sensitivity of your glans is not a problem. It gets back to the point about women seeing the equal sensitivity of their clitorides as a "problem". They don't.

> Not to say lucrative and basic (and therefore easy for them).

Well, that is of course the only possible way you could view infant mutilation.


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