IGNORED PARAPHIMOSIS CAUSING INHIBITION

Hi Robin, first I'd just like to say thanks for putting
such a useful and helpful site up.

Im going to attempt to make this as short as possible
since its quite a long one and I apologies in advance for
taking up your time.

Since my childhood my father realized that I might have
problems with an elongated penis foreskin (I wont use
scientific terms since I frequently get confused)....

I went to see a specialist at the age of ten who proposed
circumcision. Of course I resisted. I seem to remember my
father telling me that I should try to exercise my foreskin
by pulling it back. I did just that one night at Boarding
School and it of course got stuck in that position. It was
a hellish day or two and my penis swelled up. I was then
sent down to hospital where a Doctor fixed the problem.
Since then I was afraid of pulling my foreskin back. Not
being able to pull my foreskin back didnt stop me from
masturbating and I grew used to masturbating that way (I
will return to this later).

For years I didnt realize anything was wrong. I was a later
starter with the opposite sex. Even at the age of 20 when I
first had sex I didnt realize that my foreskin was supposed
to retract whilst I was erect. The problem became clearer
to me by my mid 20's when I started to believe that some
men's foreskins retracted whilst erect and others didnt and
both were normal. (Im still not clear on this today).
However a much more serious thing became apparent - I was
seemingly unable to ejaculate during sex with a woman even
though I could masturbate to orgasm alone. This remains the
case up until the present day.

During my mid 20's I visited a sexual counselor to try to
remedy this problem. I told the sexual counselor that as a
child at the school I was abused. It happened at the age of
12 when the abuser masturbated me to orgasm. It happened
once and I thought this might be the reason for inability
to achieve orgasm during sex.. The counselor suggested that
I cease masturbation altogether which I did for a time but it
made no difference when I had sexual encounters. I moved
and havent seen anybody professional since.

I am now 32 and today the situation is no better. In fact
in a way its getting worse. For some reason upon occasion I
am unable to achieve erection at all when with a woman. Is
it because I'm already pretty sure that there will be no
sexual satisfaction for myself I dont know?

But to return to the physiological side, when erect my
foreskin still doesnt retract but I can pull it back and it
doesnt hurt. However, I dont know how much pulled back it
should be or if that linkage of skin on the bottom side of
my penis is supposed to be there or how long it should be.
Since my early childhood I have also always retained urine
after urinating and it continues to this day.

Imp sorry to get bogged down in the sexual side since I
think your specialty is the physical but I dont know how
connected these things are. Are the two things separate?
Imp not sure what condition I have.

I dont need to tell you that Im pretty afraid about the
whole thing and I dont know where to start or who to turn
to. If you could give me any advice at all I would be so
grateful. I childishly believed that one day it would all
just go right for me with the right woman and the clock is
ticking.

S.

PS I have tried to self diagnose using your and other
websites on the internet. I dont know if its phimosis I
have or frenulum breve or something else.

___________________

Hello S,

My site is very interested in sex, so you dont need to apologise.

Your letter was so near my own feelings - particularly
>I childishly believed that one day it would all
>just go right for me with the right woman and the clock is
>ticking.

I will take it point by point, and first :

>Since my childhood my father realized that I might have
>problems with an elongated penis foreskin (I wont use
>scientific terms since I frequently get confused).
>I believe this was a problem that ran in the family. In
>fact my father I believe only also had one functional
>testicle.
>I went to see a specialist at the age of ten who proposed
>circumcision. Of course I resisted.

actually in a sense this is a shame because it would have solved practically all of your later problems, however now youve got this far I believe you can avoid treatment with a full circumcision.

>I seem to remember my
>father telling me that I should try to exercise my foreskin
>by pulling it back. I did just that one night at Boarding
>School and it of course got stuck in that position. It was
>a hellish day or two and my penis swelled up. I was then
>sent down to hospital where a Doctor fixed the problem.

Shame that your Dad told you to stretch by pulling backwards, he should have advised pulling outwards,... but hes not to blame.

And well, this is the start of the whole story, the doctor got rid of a paraphimosis, (some technical terms are necessary, paraphimosis: when the ring at the front of the inner foreskin, gets trapped behind the glans) but then left you with the condition. Paraphimosis is fairly common, and doctors usually treat it ´(mostly with an emergency circumcision or at least dorsal slit)

This doctor must have been crazy to relieve the emergency but then leave you with the possibility of repeating the problem the next time you retracted your foreskin! - Naturally you were scared of this (as any intelligent boy would be), and you avoided pulling your foreskin back in future (as any intelligent boy would), . - ( there was nothing wrong with your psychology at this point - this reaction was common sense ... it was the doctor who was crazy to leave you with the potential to get paraphimosis again and again ...)

>Since then I was afraid of pulling my foreskin back. Not
>being able to pull my foreskin back didnt stop me from
>masturbating and I grew used to masturbating that way (I
>will return to this later).

>For years I didnt realize anything was wrong. I was a later
>starter with the opposite sex. Even at the age of 20 when I
>first had sex I didnt realize that my foreskin was supposed
>to retract whilst I was erect. The problem became clearer
>to me by my mid 20's when I started to believe that some
>men's foreskins retracted whilst erect and others didnt and
>both were normal. (Im still not clear on this today).

I myself and hundreds of other men who have these problems arent/werent sure of this, and its not surprising because our culture teaches us that we're all normal - anyone thinking the contrary is labelled as having a psychological problem. We accept this even to the point where we label ourselves as having a psychological problem, rather than even dare to consider that something physical is wrong.

The fact is :- A normal foreskin will retract without problems in flaccid and erect states -

>However a much more serious thing became apparent - I was
>seemingly unable to ejaculate during sex with a woman even
>though I could masturbate to orgasm alone. This remains the
>case up until the present day.

Slowly it seems the psychological problems start to take over and increase the physical complications.

>During my mid 20's I visited a sexual counselor to try to
>remedy this problem. I told the sexual counselor that as a
>child at the school I was abused. It happened at the age of
>12 when the abuser masturbated me to orgasm. It happened
>once and I thought this might be the reason for inability
>to achieve orgasm during sex.. He suggested that I cease
>masturbation altogether which I did for a time but it made
>no difference when I had sexual encounters. I moved and
>havent seen anybody professional since.

As in my own experience the sexual counsellors merely confirm that the problem is psychological and thus make the problems worse, they are complete idiots when advising on phimosis, they simply have never learent anything about it - and so judge based on all their years of learning about parental and environmental problems.

The experience of abuse is obviously going to complicate the whole process, and maybe confirm the fear for sex ... however the anatomical experience of fear in your own body, seems far more primary than that of another boy(?) and only once,during schoolday. I consider (particularly in boarding school) that abuse from older boys happens fairly often more than once, but most of the kids grow up still able to have good sex.

>I am now 32 and today the situation is no better. In fact
>in a way its getting worse. For some reason upon occasion I
>am unable to achieve erection at all when with a woman. Is
>it because I'm already pretty sure that there will be no
>sexual satisfaction for myself I dont know?

Im not surprised with all the fear and then the added confirmation from experts that then you became impotent ... again, its about the only sensible reaction your body and mind can have : to avoid the whole damn situation - just give up and forget it! (I am serious, I find this an intelligent and sensitive reaction in an intolerably crazy situation)

>But to return to the physiological side, when erect my
>foreskin still doesnt retract but I can pull it back and it
>doesnt hurt. However, I dont know how much pulled back it
>should be or if that linkage of skin on the bottom side of
>my penis is supposed to be there or how long it should be.

I dont know either, this linkage of skin is maybe a frenulum, maybe a skin bridge, (is it a string or a sheet of skin?) you might have a short frenulum, however the first problem is the ring which caused the paraphimosis

>Since my early childhood I have also always retained urine
>after urinating and it continues to this day.
>Imp sorry to get bogged down in the sexual side since I
>think your specialty is the physical but I dont know how
>connected these things are. Are the two things separate?

These two things are very strongly connected and interdependant - (and I am far more interested in sexuality and psychology than anatomy)

>Imp not sure what condition I have.
>I dont need to tell you that Imp pretty afraid about the
>whole thing and I dont know where to start or who to turn
>to. If you could give me any advice at all I would be so
>grateful. I childishly believed that one day it would all
>just go right for me with the right woman and the clock is
>ticking.
>S.

>PS I have tried to self diagnose using your and other
>websites on the internet. I dont know if its phimosis I
>have or frenulum breve or something else.

Ok you have a phimotic ring (this is what caused the paraphimosis) at your stage Id really forget experimenting with creams, you need an operation, - I dont know if you also have a frenulum breve (breve = short) - if you have one, a normal surgeon will almost certainly recommend full circumcision. ... Please look at "partial circumcision"

all good wishes to a brother in suffering
Cheers
Robin

_________________

S and myself had a very long exchange about various practical and other considerations - below are some extracts ...

_______________________

Thanks for your reply.

Last week I went to see a specialist and he diagnosed me as congenital Phimosis.
He said that he believes circumcision is the best solution. I didnt even mention partial circumcision .

The specialist / surgeon struck me (thank God) as capable and decent. He
told me something that I already knew - that the chances of contracting
cancer in this 'area' is higher among those with 'extended' foreskins. Its
probably a tried and tested way to persuade those reluctant to op but he
said that I should look at it as a health issue. I asked him whether this
would help / affect sexual problems that I briefly explained to him. He
replied that I would need a sex quack for that.

So I've accepted the inevitable although I am scared. Scared that the look
of it will revolt me after its done, scared that it will feel the way it
does when I pull it down now - a little bit uncomfortable, made worse when
looking at the skin attached underneath. But whats to lose? My sex life
appears to be pretty dead anyway.

I'll write again soon.

S

__________________________________

Dear S,

(edited)

Im afraid to be in a sexual situation
with my girlfriend because its likely that I wont
be able to have sex with her."

Whatever "worries" might complicate your
situation, you say quite clearly that you are afraid of
this problem, ... and I believe this fear is based on a
very confusing potentially painful anatomical
condition which you have, and now have grown up
and adapted to ... this appears to me all very
logical and easy to understand.

"A question related to the op also is raised its
ugly head in the last week or so. Im wondering how
the op will affect my libido. Ive always seen a
circumcised penis as being uglier than an
uncircumcised one. How might that affect me? Would
I be disgusted or ashamed by it? At that
disgusting boarding school I was sent away to at
an early age I used to feel sorry for other boys
that were circumcised Worse still how do women see
it? I suppose when I've started asking questions
such as these I have to wonder if its possible
that an op will make sex with my girlfriend /
future girlfriends even less likely"

(edited)

"You know when I start on these questions I feel
my head spinning. Dont you think I need a head doctor? "

Now, I really appreciate this comment, yes I can
see and feel your head spinning. But - IT IS absolutely
crazy and YOU are NOT - you are responding fully as a
normal healthy person who has been subjected to
absolutely CRAZY SITUATION and INFLUENCES -

"Sometimes in these moments I just want to feel
normal. Would giving up (or accepting) it
completely enable me to feel normal?"

I heard this a hundred times ... I think our great
grand fathers had to give up and accept it ... I
think thats one reason why they were so repressed
... if being repressed is being normal then I
suppose you can do that, but you wont be happy.

---edited ---

I started thinking, what you have is like someone
with bad eyesight - who trips up and bumps into a
few things - gets a bit worried about this - so
now walks carefully and slowly with his hands held
a bit out infront - and then starts considering going
to a psychologist to help with the anxiety.

First what you need is a pair of glasses - a bit
of time to adapt, and then many of the problems
would be self correcting - (particularly if youve
a nice girl friend)

cheers

Rob

_______________________________________

sexual deviancy

Am I to understand that the sexual deviancy that I showed as a child is all connected with my condition?

Another question that occurs to me but isnt important that you answer anytime soon. Is there a study or has anybody thought of the connection between sexual deviancy or possibly sex crimes and the types of conditions that we are talking about? For the record Im happy to write more about the way my sex life has been affected (lets try to get the physical out of the way first) but I would not dream of laying so much as a finger upon any woman who doesnt want me.

S

_______________________________

Dear S.

"Am I to understand that the sexual deviancy that
I showed as a child is all connected with my
condition?"

as an adolescent yes,- as a child its doubtful
that the condition had any great influence up
until the time of your paraphimosis and the doctor
who left you untreated. - I suspect that pre
puberty, tendancies and potentials would build up,
physical experience has a psychological effect so
it seems logical that this also would influence a
childs experience of his body/world

I feel sometimes that maybe because you havent
really considered this all and are maybe a little
scared about what you could find out about
yourself - that you have missed or avoided some of
the most relevant pages on my site.

I believe it would really help you to read parts
of Chapter two From Innocence to Ignorance. I
suggest The Passages to Manhood part 3 adult
initiations, which is a collection of reports from
other men with similar experiences to ours. And my
discussion "The Late Initiate" which attempts to
describe and explain the entire development -
including a small section on sexual criminals.

"Is there a study or has anybody thought of the
connection between sexual deviancy or possibly sex
crimes and the types of conditions that we are
talking about? For the record Im happy to write
more about the way my sex life has been affected
(lets try to get the physical out of the way
first) but I would not dream of laying so much as
a finger upon any woman"

There is no study on this subject, though there
appear to be rumours. In general in 1996 when I
started this site there was as good as nothing on
the subject, particularly in the popular
literature, only a few forgotten texts indicated
the psychological effects of foreskin problems, I
have researched and collected everything I could
find from the previous centuries - mine seems to
be the first basic collection of such material -

It is clear to me that these phenomena complicate
any existing personality disorder, and would
directly influence the sexual criminal,
particularly concerning the frequent profile of
rape without penetration.

Please write your feelings fantasies experiences
on this or any related subject, - this is what I
ask from everyone - it is only through this that I
have been able to collect so much information -
the information is not complete - so please can
you help by simply telling me all your ideas.

Cheers

Robin

_________________________________________

Hello Robin

It all happened quite quickly after the professor was out of the country or clinic for weeks I thought that I had to strike whilst the iron was hot. I asked him about a part circ and he said it was possible. He didnt pull a face or anything, better still it looked like the op had been performed before at the clinic.

So I set it up. Was petrified to be honest. The op took 40 minutes and was painful despite the fact they kept re-injecting me. To call the whole area sensitive would be an understatement. I dont think they were used to the reaction I had, my legs shaking and seriously sweating and the occasional uncontrolable laugh bourne through the tickling feeling on my glans.

(edited)

Cheers

S.