As an answer to: phimosis written by Christian at 02 Mar 2006 20:22:37:
Hello Christian,
Thanks for your letter. I do like getting to know something of the
life and feelings and the histoty of the phimosis, from people who
write to me, rather than just the practical questions, - so thank you.
My main advice and first advice is to keep cool calm and collected - I
have this saying that losing your mind is far worse than losing your
genitals - It is also simply that "being a man" means to me
confronting these matters sensibly - every problem offers a method of
initiation - self initiation - its just a matter of dealing with it so
we turn the whole experience into a positive learning experience.
There is also the practical point that I live in "the middle of a
field" am not online and I pick up email one week answer the next, so
you have around 6 days to consider your answers and you get a reply
from me once every two weeks ... so lets just go slowly and carefully.
Now, we have at least two areas for thought, and Id like to cover the
practical first. What form of phimosis do you have? we need an
accurate diagnosis before we can think out an accurate treatment.
Phimosis could mean anything. Is the phimosis caused by a frenulum
breve or a phimotic ring or anything else? How far can you see beneath
your foreskin? ... Youve obviously read my site a bit, have you found
male-initiation.net/phimosis_summary.html this might give you the best
place to start diagnosing yourself.
Then with a phimotic ring this can be a simple anatomical structure,
or it can be connected with infections, and I note you have had
infections, and such rings are difficult to stretch, and so maybe we
will need to consider surgery, and all the options you have here, ...
so I suspect you will need to give me a clue how you feel about
circumcision, partial circ.(ie. overhang removal), or dorsal slit or
preputial plasty (maybe the most expensive - whereas other methods
should be covered by normal health insurance).
Ok. so lets move to emotional things. I dont think its helpful to see
yourself as abnormal. Yes, normally men dont have phimosis, but 10%
cant really be called abnormal, maybe we could just say you belong to
a minority. Apart from the medical statistical studies which I found
later, I was absolutely amazed when I started asking people who I knew
if they had heard of this problem, and I personally believe it is far
more than 10% who have this, ... it seems simply that no-one has
talked about it, until www happened ... for centuries men have been
alone on this question, without realising that their best friends
probably have the same problem!! it really is a taboo, quite
phenomenal when one considers how many men felt embarrassed and alone
in the 19th century and before ...
I also know this feeling of being stupid, ashamed, - what I felt was
that I was a sort of cultural joke - everyone else knew that the
foreskin retracted, but no-one told me -
I grew up in a normal situation, with a brother and a Dad, but still
the genitals were not discussed and still I didnt realise, - I believe
your background has little to do with your not realising. It is simply
that we get used to our intimate body without questioning or worrying,
and actually, this is a sign of a healthy upbringing.
It does sound like you had a few special moral constraints, but I cant
judge if youre Mum is prudish etc. ... Hummm, I imagine your farm had
no livestock, or at least not horses and cows ... If you did have
livestock it might be questionable why you didnt realise from
comparison with them. Even so, when I saw pictures of the retracted
foreskin I simply believed such men were circumcised ... we simply
believe we are normal and healthy without worrying or questioning -
otherwise we would grow up nervous wrecks.
Have you found Beauge on my site?
(male-initiation.net/library/medicus/beauge.html) he describes the
different masturbation techniques used by men with phimosis, so you
are also not alone there. But masturbation is a secondary point, your
condition came first and this led to the masturbation technique, not
the other way round. ... Beauge also talks about guilt, but I think
very many normal boys feel guilt about masturbation, and Beauge didnt
make a comparative study.
loneliness and social isolation are tricky questions - I actually envy
you having 4 sisters, you are used to female company, you shouldnt
have much problem feeling at home once you get through the initial
contact making process - If I imagine youre in a farming course
surrounded by men, then I suggest joining a dance or creative
listening evening class because they are full of women, and youre
probably a hunk of a farming-man and theyd love you.
Thank you for your offer of support for my site, I dont know whether
to take this literally, but if you want to join ARC or be put on my
mailing list, I would suggest that first you just sort out your own
problem and then let it rest a bit and maybe in a while, you could do
what? who knows, theres lots of possibilities - can you speak French?
Im wanting a welcome page in french - Keeping the site and ideas
online is my main concern otherwise it will be just anti and pro
circumcision sites - still Im 53 at present and not intending kicking
the bucket for a few years yet, still when you are 40 and looking back
on life who knows? - still please just leave anything else till you
are free of worries.
cheers
Robin
>
>Hello, I am 20 yrs old and only recently found out that I have Phimosis.
>Needless to say its quite an emotional and psycological shock, I had no Idea
>that I was abnormal, and I feel stupid and ashamed. I greatly appriciate
>your site, knowing that i am not alone in this perdiciment is somehow
>reassuring. I grew up in on a farm in a very rural area in Canada with 4
>sisters and my mother. Being the only Male in the family, The organ in
>question was never disscused, leaving me to find out about even simple
>things such as cleaning on my own. This lead to a number of painful
>infections as a child, which also were never disscused. As the oldest, and
>only male, I took on much of the farm work from an early age, and simply the
>time invested meant that I and never developed any friendships, or explored
>very much social contacts ( and thus had nothing to compare myself to, or
>ask questions of) . I am now in first year at University and only now have
>learned of my condition. I think among the contributing factors to my
>condition would be a absence of correct mastrubation techniques as I was
>discouraged from doing so as a child, I always felt guilty and never
>actually manually did so ( I would only wake up in the morning and stroke
>through the sheets, never to the point of ejaculation). I would appriciate
>any comments about treatment, or about dealing with the emotional feeling of
>being very lonely and socially isolated. I would also like to extend my
>support to your website and encourage real education about male sexual
>issues in grade school and at home, as this would likely have prevented my
>current situation.
>Thank you
