Re: Hurt it, now worse
Written by Stevo at 26 May 2006 23:42:38:
As an answer to: Re: Hurt it, now worse written by Robin at 25 May 2006 20:02:17:
I don't know that I need anesthetic cream. My pain isn't excruciating in a physical sense. It never goes away, and evertyhing i do seems to hurt it worse, but it's manageable pain, aside from the fact that it's tied directly to my heart and my mind. I don't need pain killers. It can be very hard for me. Sometimes when I see a pretty girl I break out in a cold sweat, because I know I'd dissapoint her.
Harder still is to think about my girl. I love her so much, I once made love to her in the way she deserved, now i'm a broken young man. I know the lovers she had before me never had this problem. I know that they were able to give her what i can't. She's so beautiful, when i look at her i feel so ashamed that her beauty is wasted on me. She's loved me, she's stood by me. I once nearly broke things off with her, i told her that it wouldn't be right to bind her to me in my sadness. Maybe that's right. She told me she wouldn't go.
I believe she will one day, and i don't blame her for it. I've lost one of the best things in life, she doesn't have to as well. Even if she can accept this change (and she shouldn't have to) the fact is I've changed too, greatly. I'm a shell of a man.
I've given it a lot of thought, and i have no wish to be dramatic, or to be freak anyone out, but i've decided that if this thing can't be made right i'm going to end my life.
Maybe I'm too young for this problem, maybe I have to great a focus on this, or maybe i'm just weak, but i can't live like this my whole life. I can barely breathe, and i'm so scared and ashamed all the time.