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I have had about twenty intimate affairs. Melting in love by cuddling
was an experience which often left me feeling confirmed as a person,
however among many other funny feelings, confidence in my manhood was
always lacking. I realise that psychology books have described many
reasons for sexual inhibitions and the lack of confirmation in one's
sexuality, however the effects of these conditions are mentioned nowhere.
At this point, my personal recommendation is to read the section on
behavioural symptoms, (on page 14). Unfortunately these subjective
functional difficulties scientifically prove very little, therefore,
the following section offers an analysis.
The situation we will consider is a man who has only to a limited degree
if ever, acknowledged his phallus. There is no suggestion that men
should be arrogantly or obsessively phallic.
ANALYSIS
In cases of my kind an analysis is relatively simple. If an individual
avoids pain or difficulty (at an unconscious level), this results
in an anxiety or apprehensiveness (at an unconscious level). When
his experience of masculinity is mixed with an unconscious anxiety
how can he develop a realistic sense of confidence or pride as a sexually
confirmed male?
The following attempt at a general analysis, in addition to further
describing my own case, may also help to explain the effects on a
man with an extreme phimosis.
When the foreskin is fastened, restrained or harnessed, its movement
relative to the glans is inhibited. What could be a more direct inhibition
of the sexuality than on the phallus itself? When this anatomical
restriction is unrecognised and remains unconscious, it is bound to
lead to sexual confusion and provide a basis for social and psychological
problems.
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THE BLIND SPOT
This anatomical inhibition functions in a similar manner to the generally
understood emotional inhibition. Anyone with any sort of inhibition
does not experiment as freely in that area, he does not discover,
he is not as aware of, and, he probably does not have as much interest
in the area.
If a boy with these conditions did admire himself, any recognition
of, or belief he establishes in his sexual identity would be based
on a misunderstanding and misinterpretation of reality, (i.e. it would
be based on the misconception that the foreskin is designed to remain
forward).
He is not as aware of himself, and to remain unaware he could never
have compared himself, therefore he is probably not as aware of the
male phallus in general. (On seeing pictures of the phallus with a
retracted foreskin, I automatically thought that such men must be
circumcised).
CONSEQUENCES
While I maintain that my entire post-puberty emotional development
was influenced by this hidden anxiety in my own body, to give individual
examples is pointless because any effects on the basic character,
emotions, responses etc., are dependant on, and relative to an individual's
other experiences (upbringing etc.). There is nothing absolute which
can be stated, only that these conditions are compatible with shyness,
anxiety, frustration and privacy, and they are incompatible with a
relaxed sexuality, openness and leading a simple life.
These phenomena have an irrational and disturbing influence on the
sexual behaviour, at the very least they would hinder any re-education
over sexual inhibitions learnt in childhood. In an adolescent whose
basic character was inhibited by upbringing etc., the lack of awareness
of his condition may merely allow him less chance of breaking free.
Other men may go for years, before the collective experiences resulting
from this unconscious anatomical influence have any serious behavioural
effects.
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