ED'S STORY

Dear Robin,

Yours is a brilliant website. The information in it is, I believe, enabling me to release myself from a psychological prison that I'd had no idea existed, at least not in any way that could be meaningfully expressed.

Where do I begin? I think I have to start with my experience of the ignorance of the medical profession as a whole that these not at all unusual mechanical defects can take a good deal to separate both from the male psyche and from possible other unresolved or unknown psychological issues.

In the last few months, since finding this site, I have put together a collection of correspondence with my doctors, and some articles, to form "the book" which, since a major mental breakdown ("acute psychotic episode") in 1984, I have always believed was in me but I hadn't been able to understand, let alone write.

The mental breakdown in 1984 was such an extremely painful and, frankly, baffling experience that it seems that it has been niggling away at the back of my mind all of this time on the basis that there was always going to be a logical explanation. And that is where I now am.

I wouldn't say I'm a deeply religious person, but it is clear to me that the same God that was with Abraham has been with me all this time and I feel that this fact, although it doesn't change the logical explanation, should not be glossed over or airbrushed out when I tell my story.

I have a suspicion that many of the anti-circers have a deep mistrust of religion especially those where circumcision is practiced routinely as a sign of their covenant with God, rather than being practiced or modified according to particular mechanical defects of the individual.

You are absolutely right with your promotion of the middle way, or third way, in contrast to the totally opposed arguments of the one-size-fits-all pro-circers and the do-nothing anti-circers.

I shall try to put my story into a nutshell:

Either through a relatively minor, but embarrassing, birthmark or an innately reserved character I have a tendency largely to keep my feelings to myself. From the age of ten or twelve I had always been slightly puzzled how intercourse wasn't going to hurt (i.e. with what I now realise is frenulum breve and a degree of phimosis), but of course I never could express this puzzlement.

By 1984 I had fallen so madly in love that I had really to face this perceived difficulty, and by which time also I had collected a bit more "baggage".

I couldn't express properly my penis worries but simply sought from my doctor, my GP, that he take a kind of general look. He referred me to a urologist. The urologist expressed some concern and advised that I perhaps ought to be considered for circumcision and that I should return in three months. Meanwhile I returned to my GP with very generalised anxiety. I couldn't think who to turn who would listen objectively and respond professionally to such personal matters as were clearly causing me much trouble.

My GP didn't offer me anything for this generalised anxiety. A few weeks later I had the major breakdown (in the height of which a faith healer, from out of the crowd that had gathered round to watch my torment, engaged with me).

When I returned home from hospital I talked to a friend about the prospect of me being circumcised. He told me about a friend of his who had recently had it done. This was reassuring because it didn't sound so foolish (i.e. having a kids operation in one's mid twenties). However, he went on to tell me how the operation had all gone horribly wrong, the wound had become infected etc etc. I therefore decided to give the idea a very wide berth. I would just take my chance. Nothing could be as painful as the breakdown I had suffered.

And that was it, really. The relationship from 1984 ended, but I soon met my wife by whom I now have three children. Yes, the frenulum has ripped and has elongated by about 1cm. The foreskin has perhaps loosened a little but the whole mechanism still feels tight: is that "normal"?

… Well that would have been it, that is, until my son, at the age of six, had some problems with balanitis. He had a "dorsal slit" operation to loosen the foreskin. Naturally I was very relieved that he had been attended to.

By the time he was twelve the niggle at the back of my mind from the breakdown in 1984 had started to take centre stage but I still didn't understand what it was all about. I suddenly displayed psychiatric symptoms again, thankfully no pain this time, and have since been diagnosed as having Bipolar Affective Disorder.

In feeling very uncomfortable about the treatment for this disorder, I have been guided to the root of my confusion. I had not made any association with foreskin problems until one day earlier this year I was at my computer when the word "foreskin" simply popped into my head, so I did a Google search and found your website and in particular that the frenulum has a name and that it can be short, painful and problematic.

I feel a massive relief (and some anger) and I am embarking now on educating my doctors that there is a neglected issue here, as old as Abraham, that needs to get into the medical profession's and public's collective consciousness. I believe my doctors are now beginning to understand and accept the turmoil I have experienced and I am, at last, going back to a urologist for advice, not least because I want to be as sure as possible that my son doesn't suffer as I have.

Thank you, Robin, for your work with this. It's really important.

Ed
30.11.05

Well youre right in the centre of it all at present - arent you :)

I remember how I felt ten years ago, Just discovered my frenulum breve
and relative phimosis - I presume you have a very similar condition,
docs couldnt see the phimotic ring unless I was erect and they didnt
even look for the frenulum until asked.

At 43 my world turned upside down as puberty and love experiences
suddenly became explained - Id always thought I had a psychological
problem, but here was something far older than Abraham, ... what was
then impossible was that the urologists and psychologists either
humoured me or tried to persuade me that this phimosis/sexuality thing
was all an illusion and I should indeed question my parents and
upbringing for another 43 years ---

It is for this reason (mainly) that I started the site. Through www I
found other men with my experience as you are doing - through www I
eventually got my confirmation, the ackowledgement of my sense for
truth and how my body/mind functions.

I really dont know where to start answering your letter ...a couple of
small side points ... One is that Im sure that "phimosis" isnt
inherited directly, otherwise it would have been deselected. If your
son has similar problems its not because of your genes, its simply
because phimosis is not unusual.

Then theres also a practical question: "the frenulum has ripped and
has elongated by about 1cm. The foreskin has perhaps loosened a
little but the whole mechanism still feels tight: is that "normal"?" -
I suspect there may well be some need to operate. - As youve already
had enough fun with your doctors -you could just explain simply what
happens on erection when you attempt to retract fully. If its not
simple, then Im sort of worried about the amount of writing which
could develop between us, so let me suggest we could simplify this if
youve a digital camera, a few pictures of retraction during erection
would usually allow me to make a more accurate diagnosis than the
doctors (simply because they dont ask about or see the erection).

I guess the frenulum ripped when you were making love with your
present wife ... were you previously a virgin? (It is in fact rare
that a ripped frenulum mends elongated, usually they mend even shorter
than before, what did you do when it ripped? you must have put an
antiseptic pad on it or something?)

I dont understand what "Bipolar Affective Disorder" is.

But I can well understand how an undiscovered phimosis leads to all
sorts of sexual problems - and simply because its unrecognised, one
believes these are deep psychological problems, this is then very
simply and directly an illusion because it doesnt acknowledge reality,
- and it led me to years of torment wondering why I couldnt love some
girls like I felt - why couldnt I love actually? - very disturbing -
and all because of "Primeaval Taboo Syndrome" (help stamp out PTS ...)
- (this is a joke if you were wondering).

I think you understand the situation very well, you ask if this was
natural reservation or phimosis - "... these not at all unusual
mechanical defects can take a good deal to separate both from the male
psyche and from possible other unresolved or unknown psychological
issues."

yes they go hand in hand - the one supports the other - I tend to
think the phimosis and potential pain in erections and avoidance of
this pain was there since birth, so I could happily argue that the
phimosis is the basis for the psychological development but lets
consider they go hand in hand - the one supports the other -

"From the age of ten or twelve I had always been slightly puzzled how
intercourse wasn't going to hurt (i.e. with what I now realise is
frenulum breve and a degree of phimosis), but of course I never could
express this puzzlement."

So I guess again (not that I should, but I also like a bit of fun!) I
guess you had a partial phimotic ring, which scraped over (the coronal
ridge of) the glans ... --- and it seems this has now stretched a
little.

You say you are trying to educate your doctors and the culture - this
is why I say join ARC - I always used to hope that once one doctor
believed me then he would champion my cause to the medical journals
etc. - a wonderful optimism, but nothing is further from reality!

Your goal is the same as mine - great you could be important to me and
arc - the question is how do we get the message across?

On the arc pages Im asking people how to break taboos - I have several
ideas - (eg. writing to Dr. Oster who is inadvertently largely
responsible for kids today not being monitored) but mainly,- I tried
to break the taboo for several years and I cant do it alone - also
(after ten years on the subject) I am becoming more practical and
realising that even if some advance is made, its not going to be quick
- male-initiation.net is pretty much alone online, there is no
comparison with other sites - I have seen no other site which contains
info on late initiations or which wants boys to be monitored.

Im 53 now, I dont intend dying in the near future, but sometime I
might consider doing this !! and I do have the wish that
male-initiation.net lives on ... but then it needs a group (ARC) to
take over from me.

So, the most practical thing Im doing to get children monitored at
present is trying to stimulate interest in a group ie. ARC. who could
and should even now start taking management of male-initiation.net

I used to have a small group of about 14 with 4 who were very active,
I "collected" these people during my first 6 yrs. online, then I
dropped out for 4 yrs. (nervous breakdowns) and have lost all contact.
Ive been back for a year now, but Nick is the only helper I have at
present, he did a lot, but now is taking exams ... theres also a cool
French guy who doesnt yet know that he belongs to Arc - but hes being
incredibly helpful at translating all my welcome pages into French.

Humm I dont really know what joining ARC means - I mean you can find
out what it means to you and take or give what you want. (I sometimes
think it would be simpler to ask people for a 10 euro entrance fee and
send them a badge -).

The site gets 80,000 page views per month (page views is more than
hits, hits includes gifs jpgs etc.) we can reckon that 8,000 stay more
than a minute 800 more than 5 minutes and maybe 80 read it for a half
hour ... then you are one of the 8 per month who actually get round to
writing :)

Cheers - thanks for writing - I really like letters like this -

Robin

PS my experience is on male-initiation.net/library/passages/diary.html

I think that what you’ve achieved on/with this site is fantastic. Having re-read what I sent you and also looked over your website again, there are a few things worth following up on:

1) I’ve only just seen information on your site about “tying up”… I might well review my decision to do nothing… the solution is so simple!

2) I believe this procedure may have been touched on in a TV documentary I saw a year or so ago, I think it was presented by a chap called Bruce Parry. The presenter lived with a very primitive tribe for a month or so, during which time, to gain their trust, he completely went along with, and immersed himself, in their ways. There was no interpreter so they just communicated with gestures and so on. Towards the end of his stay the tribesmen attempted to put a thorn through/under his frenulum. He bottled out, with tears in his eyes! He didn’t seem to know what they were trying to do or why they were trying to do it. Until seeing the information on your site, I was puzzled by it too.

3) On two of the three occasions I’ve been in psychiatric hospital a fellow patient has expressed to me some kind of problem with their foreskin. I hasten to say that this was without any prompting from me. It simply wouldn’t have crossed my mind to share in this way.

4) I wholeheartedly agree with Bob’s submission under his ‘dorsal slit’ heading that “a lot of human suffering (and hopefully also impassioned, ill-mannered contention!) would thereupon disappear from the earth” and I would add that the frenulum should be checked at puberty and into young adulthood and tied up as necessary. It seems to me that in becoming “civilised” we’ve been in danger of neglecting some very basic anatomical maintenance needs. The first person I spoke to following my discovery on 7th May 2005, from your website, of the frenulum language was our local vicar, a woman. I had already written to my psychiatrist about it but I wasn’t confident that he would see it as anything other than a problem that was for me to deal with. As one would expect from a vicar, she was completely non-judgemental, understanding and sympathetic. She was, however, surprised that such things weren’t routinely checked-out when young. I’m sure that women see it in this simple way, and, of course, they’re right! (and this gives some inkling as to what was going on in Exodus 4 v25).

5) I referred to my poems as expressing matters in a “light and more easily understandable way”. I’m not sure if they are particularly light but I certainly feel that having written them I’m carrying a lighter load.

(edited)

The trouble has been that in the three episodes I got too confused and angry at no one understanding, including myself, what the problem was.

My mental illness only showed itself, i.e. took me over, after I sought medical help and the question of circumcision had been raised by the medics. The major part of the successful management of the mental illness has been to gain a clear understanding of foreskin problems and treatments. It seems to me that the complexity of the issues arises because, fundamentally, the foreskin is a central part of the most intimate of interaction, of relationship, of sensitivity. And the trouble now is that I’m convinced that I do understand what the problem was, but no one is interested because there’s now no problem!!

(edited)

Keep up the good work and make sure that you have time for you.

Ed
5.11.06