_______________________________
AWAKENING IN THE DARKNESS

e.g.18 "I remember having erections around 12 years of age, and started masturbating then. ... My first doubts emerged at secondary school, when boys used to talk and joke about masturbating. I could never understand the jokes, because I had to masturbate in a different way - I rubbed my glans through my foreskin with the palm of my hand.

"I cannot remember when I realised what a foreskin was, and what it should do. But I remember that masturbating was sometimes painful. I could not do it when I wanted because I was hurting. Any pain experienced was short lived, however, and was cured by abstaining.

"I think it was around 15 that I began to realise that my penis was not 'normal'. ... All I wanted was a normal penis. I used to go to sleep and hope that by the time I woke up I would be normal. ... At some point around 16 or 17, I decided that I could never have sex, so I could never marry, nor have children. My condition remained untreated until the age of 26."

It is worth considering what effect the conditions have not only on actual events but also on future intentions e.g. attitudes to marriage.

e.g.19 "I am 26. When I was child I did not realize this problem. When I was a teenager I realized it. I saw that I was different from my friends. I felt embarassed ... Also, I couldn't masturbate easily. I needed to be very careful and often I did not get orgasm. I knew that I could not have sex."

e.g.20 "The only time that I can pull back the foreskin is when I'm in a flaccid state...and even then, it does not go completely past the glans...trying to get the foreskin go behind the glans during an erection would be unthinkable and impossible (well..it's possible, but I wouldn't want to die of pain). --- - First off, I realised that something was different about age 10 when other kids' could expose their glans and I couldn't. It was disturbing at the time...but I was still young...so I forgot about it. Since then, I never really noticed anything wrong until about 3 years ago. ---- I don't have any sexual experiences to tell you since I'm still a virgin...I'm one of those guys who waits until marriage"

A 22 yr. old e.g.21 "I have never had intercourse so I do not know if this condition of my foreskin will cause pain during intercourse." A 24 yr. old mentioned e.g.22 "consummating my marriage would be nice."

	The Passages to Manhood - 7 of 12